Open relationships, low commitment, and high sexual drama characterise the question-answer exchange between relationship advisors and seekers
Open relationships, low commitment, and high sexual drama characterise the question-answer exchange between relationship advisors and seekersWhen mankind discovered that plucking petals one by one, while wondering if their lover "loves me or loves me not" did not elicit any response, they turned the page to agony aunts and uncles. For their part, the latter wasted no time in dispensing advice on love, relationships, sex and everything in between.
In 1691, when English bookseller-author-publisher John Dunton realised he had no one to advise him on the affair he was having, without revealing his identity, he launched the Athenian Gazette to address readers' relationship problems, keeping their anonymity intact. Thus was born the agony aunt.
u00a0
Since then, advice columns have come a long way, while having to mould themselves to changing attitudes of readers towards love and sex.
Clinical psychologist and psychotherapist Varkha Chulani who has been writing a sex advice column for Femina, a women's magazine, for eight years, says, "Views on love and sex are radically different now. When it comes to sex, women have more foresight and are less inhibited. Their satisfaction is of paramount importance, and they willingly express emotions."
Chulani has noticed how love is nowu00a0 defined by oppressive and unhealthy terms. "Love illness is in the air -- jealousy, inability to face rejection, wanting to fall in love sooner. Earlier, I had queries about finding a soul mate. Now they ask how they can hold on to their lover."
Actor Sandhya Mridul, a SUNDAY MiD DAY columnist, is slightly amused by the turn of events. "Many confuse love with sex. They first want to have sex, and then see where the relationship goes. Most couples seem to be in open relationships, and believe they don't owe their partners anything. Women are now hitting on men!"
Celebrity hairstylist Sapna Bhavnani, who is also an occasional columnist, doesn't think the definition of love has changed. But people falling in love have.
While that might be the downside, the upside is that men are more willing to seek advice on keeping their women happy, in and outside the bedroom. Ask Mia, model Mia Uyeda's column for men's magazine GQ is about how guys can do the dirty. "Men are now willing to lower the macho act and ask questions that make them a bit vulnerable. Ask Mia is a forum for sex questions. It could be helping some relationships get over hurdles."
The late night slot on radio has been one to help you seek advice from an RJ who doubles up as love guru.
Radio One music jockey Jay has figures to back his claim. The ratio of girls to boys calling in to dedicate a song to their partner is 40:60, with married men more open about disclosing the name of their spouse and love-filled message on air. After much probing, most listeners are willing to divulge cute details about their partners, which was not an option earlier, says the MJ.
Columnists have also had to alter their advice and style. Chulani has ditched the 'softer' approach, and now tries to infuse realism to shake up her readers, some of whom are in denial. Mridul says she does not pick the higher ground, "I am honest. I tell them that if they are lost, the rest of us are equally clueless. I might have more experience but I still have flaws."
