Are you woke?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

So, I think of myself as a pretty cool guy. Up with the latest trends and lingo. When peeps of my generation talk nostalgically of things being "so simple in our time" and "kids of today, blah, blah, blah," I usually feel a tad superior. I want to say, "Chillax guys, get with the times."

Obviously, I can't be a millennial, because the numbers go against me. And yet, I have to say, every day, new words, new obsessions, crazy new challenges get added onto our social-media consciousness. For example, my neighbour's tattooed son told me nonchalantly, "Hey man (relieved he didn't call me uncle), I don't travel much. I'm into staycations, you see. I'm an Insta baddie." So, what's a staycation, you will ask, dear reader? It is a stay-at-home vacation. And an Insta Baddie is a super cool person, who's basically famous on Instagram (and rarely smiles, because he is so cool).

So, I'm going to sing three songs from the simplest musical of all time, The Sound of Music, to share with you my difficulty with today's terms and lingo. (Bear with me, not everything rhymes and it's one verse per song.)

Most Confusing Things
(Sung to the tune of My Favourite Things)
Bottle caps and Face Apps
Draped saris on Twitter
Peeps taking selfies to prove that they're fitter
Baby filters and boomerangs
Each with a meme
These are the most confusing
of things
Reading on Kindle and browsing on Tinder
Tweeting and trolling and trending and TikTok
Insta, and iCloud
Snapchat streaks and letsspeak
These are the most confusing
of things
Ghosting and MySpace
Slim videos and streaming
Bye Felicia and Bougies
Shooketh and slaying
Bruh and fortnite
Reddit and lit
These are the most confusing
of things
OH-DEAR-ME
(Sung to the tune of Do-Re-Mi, also called Do A Dear)
Oh my dear
More emojis I fear
New abbreviations
One by one
Me a name
I shoot myself
Selfies and Snapchat
Is all I do
(shouted) LOL!
Means laughing out loud
(shouted) SMH!
Means shaking my head
(shouted) GOAT!
Means greatest of all time
(shouted) FOMO!
That will bring us back to: Fear of Missing Out
Oho Dear

You're a Millennial, going on a
GenZennial
(Sung to the tune of Sixteen Going on Seventeen)
Male:
I'm a Millennial, going on a
GenZennial
Dude, I just need to think
Am iObsessed with my iPhone
Becoming a mad iClone
I'm a Millennial, going on a
GenZennial
With no identity
Everything is 'likes'
Hashtags are it
They're my identity
I'm a Millennial, going on a
GenZennial
Bro, I'm on the brink
Everything is viral
Everything is on line
Phubbing and PUBG

Female:
I'm a Millennial, going on a GenZennial
Viral is what I am
Fellows I meet
May tell me I'm sweet
And then something else
they'll tweet
I'm a Millennial, going on a GenZennial
I could be a Kardashian
Candy Crush and spilling the tea
Is everything I want to be

So, dear reader, are you woke?

Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul dacunha62@gmail.com

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