‘Is my art good enough?’

Representation pic

As a drummer with Indian rock band Parikrama, Shubha Mudgal's fusion band Koshish, an independent music producer, Srijan Mahajan, 33, has been an artiste for 15 years. He calls himself a freelancer and small business owner. It's a unique job description. And the challenges he faces, he says, are equally unique. When these hurdles get too big to surmount, Mahajan admits that like every other person, his mental health takes a toll.

Hoping to do something about it, and for other independent creators and artistes like himself, Mahajan has founded Pause. He calls it a mental health platform for founders, artistes, freelancers and entrepreneurs. With him on the project is friend and entrepreneur Ankur Kampani.

Pause is not the first project the childhood friends have built together. They owned a company called Project Mynt, an education company where they did experiential learning in the arts. "We had small modules, which were apprenticeship modules for courses like music production, photography, theatre and entrepreneurship; areas that are not normally taught in a traditional manner," says Mahajan, adding that the business folded up in the pandemic.

He had experienced panic attacks in the past, and three months into the pandemic, he realised he needed help. For the first time in his life, he had time to pause and think about his life, because "otherwise, I am always working or playing".

Pause founders Ankur Kampani and Srijan Mahajan say that the app is an attempt to build a community of like-minded folk who can help solve problems unique to artistes and freelancers

Mahajan is quick to admit, "Both of us have been working through our mental health issues for long and ended up seeking professional help around the same time." After flirting with a few support platforms and a therapist or two, they wondered whether the reason why they hadn't managed to find someone they could click with was because no one was able to understand their issues.

"The best way to describe their [the cohorts'] work-life balance would be in terms of uncertainty. Everything is uncertain from the day someone like me gets into the field, as is our lifestyle; the looming danger of not landing the next gig and unemployment," says Aditi Kumar, counselling psychologist and art therapist, who is also a part of the Pause family.

Mahajan explains that what sets an artiste apart is the need to constantly release new work, continuously create. And this can get overwhelming. Unlike a professional who works for a company, there are no benefits or support. "There is no employer to take care of your health insurance or offer you sick leave. Job security is nil, and you don't quite know where your next pay-cheque is coming from. Self-doubt is a constant. We ask ourselves, is my art good enough? Am I good enough? After having no work for weeks on end, you suddenly could have to work 20-hour days to meet a deadline. And that's recipe for a burnout." Mahajan hopes Pause will specifically help users work around this aspect.

While the app is still in development stage, their website is functional. After registering yourself, you can decide how you wish to progress - seek advice via a video call, a telephonic conversation or fill up a detailed form if you are not comfortable with either. Clinical and counselling psychologists who are members of Pause are available for a conversation, and they also offer the option for the user to take a psycho-analysis test, which helps them eek out information on the key issues ailing someone before suggesting any solutions.

Mahajan explains that the app will be different in that it will be more personal and offer small interventions to make a difference. Easy coping mechanisms for behavioural problems like journaling and focused breathing will be available. "The idea is to offer a bouquet of tools to the user to choose from in order to help find a customised solution that addresses their specific problems and needs," says Mahajan, hoping that this might root out the danger of over-dependence on a therapist.

Kumar calls this a much-needed initiative because, "there's so much romanticising about founders and creatives, without any realisation of the pressure and problems an individual can encounter when attempting to produce anything original."