10 April,2022 08:36 AM IST | Mumbai | Heena Khandelwal
Aparna Shewakramani
Among the seven single people who stood out in Netflix's 2020 docu series Indian Matchmaking was 35-year-old Houston-based attorney Aparna Shewakramani. Her opinions about the men she went on arranged dates with, what she expected from a life partner, and what she liked and disliked in general, made her the most popular cast member on the show. Shewakramani hates run-of-the-mill comedy, beach vacations and children at weddings. Her blunt honesty didn't go down well with netizens; she was written off as the snob.
This, until a new wave of support came her way from women who started the âBe Like Aparna' trend. This translated into owning who you are and knowing what you want from life. This was important for Shewakramani, who thought the show had oversimplified her into a stereotype: she, the villain, her suitors, the victims.
Shewakramani revisits it all in a new book called She's Unlikeable: And Other Lies That Bring Women Down (HarperCollins India). mid-day spoke to Shewakramani about why she turned author, her experience with reality TV, and if she still believes in arranged marriages.
Edited excerpts from the interview.
Why did you decide to write the book?
It was a way for me to reclaim my own narrative and tell my story on my own terms. I was spurred on by the thousands of direct messages I received weeks and months after Indian Matchmaking had aired, from women around the world asking one simple question, âHow did you become like this?' They saw me on the show, but they wanted to know more about what had shaped me as a woman. This book is the answer to all questions.
What did the show do for you personally?
The show and its aftermath made me even more resolved to live life on my own terms. I wasn't going to dance to the whims of arbitrary societal milestones. The cyber bullying, including the death threats I received for speaking my mind, made me realise that there will always be people who don't approve of your lifestyle and your decisions, but that's not your problem. Live a life that is aligned with your values and beliefs.
Did you have a revelation while recounting the experience for the book?
Yes. It was realising how little we actually process the pivotal moments in our life, especially the hard ones. We push past those to make it to the other side. While writing this memoir, I had to go back and re-examine the things that brought me the most pain, fear and disappointment. I had to sit with them and recall the feelings, the smells and sounds. I had to then process it and explain it to my readers. It was very difficult but ultimately, cathartic. It helped me heal.
What led you to quit your job and what has it been like to run your travel company?
I took a sabbatical from law in October 2020, about three-and-a-half months after the release of Indian Matchmaking. I was working full-time as a litigator and spending about six to eight hours a day doing press interactions and managing multiple social media channels. It was too much to handle. What started as a brief break from my legal career turned into a more permanent leave. I have no immediate plans to return to being an attorney. I remain passionate about my luxury travel company, The Golden Balloon, but it is effectively on hold until a post-pandemic world becomes more certain. I am instead working on a couple of exciting projects connected to writing.
You said you had received a comment that read, âyou will die alone'. What did this toxic feedback do to you?
There are many things we know to be true in life and for me, it's that I will find my partner and future husband at the right time. Whoever he is, he is certainly going to be worth the wait.
What are your views now on arranged marriage?
They have always been quite progressive. I remain open to working with a matchmaker to meet someone, but will always ultimately make my own decision on choosing a partner.
