Tu Meri Main Tera Main Tera Tu Meri movie review: Tu meri main tera moron!

Director Sameer VidwansActors Kartik Aaryan Ananya PandayRating 15This supposed romcom has been stitched together with so many brand deals involving corporate meetings that I noticed even the executive assistant EA of the production companyrsquos CEO has been listed in the opening creditsGood on Zainab Sood mdash as one notices endorsements ranging from a dating app cosmetic product to perhaps even a multispecialty hospital for an exterior closeupHalf the film is entirely the longest possible ad for Croatian tourism along with proper scrolls to index each location mdash the likes of Split Trogir Port Hvar Vis Island Lavender villageThese distractions are my only attraction For what else is there to observe in this film until it breaks for interval besides the two leads Kartik Aaryan Ananya Panday mdash where the overenthu guy is deliberately modelled to stay irritating throughout the girl looks decidedly blank plus superboredImagine shooting five elaborate music videos for what couldrsquove served the same purpose as reels on popular Instagram accounts of either lead Itrsquos halftime yet and the complete 145 minutes of sheer torture to endure stillThis is where for a lay viewer the sunkcost fallacy might begin to operateAs in you cut your losses given the investment of time and money and leave mdash instead of going back to the screen to figure what happens next with the desperately dumb dull couple that you couldnrsquot care less for anywayThe same point could apply to the filmmakers since the picture seems so derailed from the getgo mdash did no one at any point figure that quitting rather than going ahead was still the better optionWhorsquore these two Bollywood blokes by the way Hard to tell besides how they introduce themselvesThe heroinersquos done her masters in English literature from Delhirsquos St Stephenrsquos College The hero mdash every now and then pulling his shirt up to expose his abs to the camera mdash is a wedding planner settled in the USThe two meet at an Indian airport heading I guess for a solotrip Thatrsquos how this Tamasha 2015 similarly set over a vacay albeit in Corsica France begins Where exactly do they meet at the airport since you never askedAt the bookstore The girlrsquos written a novel titled Love in Agra I think she was buying a copy of her own book or at least got the guy to grab one Which feels a bit like how I got into my theatre despite most seats booked and just a frontrow stub remainingOnly to find as I entered the hall that there were hardly that many people inside Nobody in my row Everyone did a noshow after paying for their tickets Good for themMust sincerely report here that all those who were there did return to their seats after the intervalThis time for an extended topshot promo for Agra and the Taj Mahal courtesy UP Tourism including a romantic song set in the wonder of the worldWhich is obviously a great idea barely executed in the past Whatrsquos the song that plays inside the Taj Mahal complexSaat Samundar Paar that plays at least thrice in the film Itrsquos an ode to the filmrsquos lead Ananyarsquos dad Chunky Panday who appeared in the original ie Vishwatma 1992Likewise Choli Ke Peeche from Khalnayak 1993 for when the OG Neena Guptarsquos on screen And the title track of the film Hero 1983 when Jackie Shroffrsquos thereEventually the entire soundtrack descends to a Bollywood medley with such excessively selfaware homages that I guess the filmmakers forgot theyrsquore even making a movie of their ownJackie plays the heroinersquos dad Neenarsquos the herorsquos motherSifting through the neverending peripherals what really is this film calling itself ldquoa rsquo90s love story in the 2025 hookup culturerdquo really aboutTo quote further ldquoJab baat apnon or sapnon mein chunne ki ho When you have to pick between your own and your dreamsrdquomdash the former must winThat ultimate dream being for the lead couple to marry while both wish to stay on with their only parent Eventually the hero makes a case for US immigration The Don may not like that muchCinematographer Anil Mehta Rockstar Black Lagaan has shot this brandcollab showreel Surely at some point he wouldrsquove like to shoot himself too As an audience I did