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Why some women don't find sex toys pleasurable: Unpacking the reasons

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Updated on: 25 January,2024 07:17 AM IST  |  Mumbai
Aakanksha Ahire | aakanksha.ahire@mid-day.com

The use of vibrators is often portrayed as a life-altering experience for women. However, some women don’t derive pleasure from using it. Is this normal? Experts reflect

Why some women don't find sex toys pleasurable: Unpacking the reasons

Most people believe that toys will make their partners redundant and refrain from indulging in them.

Key Highlights

  1. Sexual pleasure is diverse. What works for one may not work for the other
  2. People believe toys will make their partners redundant and refrain from indulging in them
  3. If you plan on trying out vibrators, it is essential to follow basic sexual hygiene

Over the past few years, we have seen a rise in conversations around women's pleasure and their sexual needs. This is undoubtedly a huge step towards women's empowerment. Vibrators or massagers are often portrayed as life-altering equipment for women. 
 
This is because women’s sexual pleasures were hardly spoken of let alone prioritised. Most women even today are unaware that they too can experience sexual pleasure. So when they take charge of their sexual desires and pleasures in their own hands through the use of toys and explore something never experienced before, they end up finding it life-altering. Further, the portrayal of pleasure derived from vibrators in various movies and series adds to this. 
 
Although women loving vibrators might seem like an obvious thing, some might not feel the same. The writer has had conversations within her social circle where some women have spoken about not finding vibrators much effective for various reasons. 
 
Some say they miss the intimacy and touch of their partners and thus find the device boring, while some say it doesn’t quite hit the right spot. A few also stated feeling uncomfortable with the thought of using a tool to experience pleasure. Does that mean there is something wrong with their sexual health?  
 
We had to speak to someone who could share their unfiltered thoughts and expertise on this topic that most people often brush under the carpet. 
 
Dr Tanaya Narendra popularly known as Dr Cuterus says, “Different strokes work for different folks.” 
 
“Everybody responds to pleasure and stimulation differently. So if somebody feels like they are not getting the desired or expected pleasure using those toys, it is perfectly alright. Some people require different kinds of stimulation and some people only work best with their partners. This doesn't mean there is something wrong with their sexual health.” 
 
There are many mental barriers too, attached to using sex toys. Some may find the use of toys intimidating or even the very idea of exploring one’s own sexuality. According to Narendra, to be able to derive pleasure from them, one has to overcome these barriers. A majority of women are conditioned to believe that sex and the pleasure derived from it are bad. It is thus necessary to first do away with these false beliefs. 
 
Further, a lot of people may not be able to enjoy things the same way in a particular time frame simply because it is overwhelming for them. Even if some manage to get past their mental barriers, sometimes it just doesn't work for them. 

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