Meghan Markle’s recent disclosure of being denied counselling during her time with the British royal family has brought to the fore their vital role in the therapeutic process. Experts elaborate its importance
Markle spoke about feeling ‘silenced’ when she wanted to speak about her emotional state. Pics/Instagram
In an explosive tell-all with talk show queen, Oprah Winfrey, Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex, revealed her struggles at the Buckingham Palace. In particular, she spoke about being denied access to therapy by her royal family, despite having suicidal thoughts. Her confession has prompted discussions about the role of family members in the therapeutic process — from emotional to financial support, the immediate family plays a integral role in the quality of care received by the individual and influences even their chances of relapsing, says Dr Nahid Dave, a psychiatrist at Thought Matters.
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Family can play a crucial role in ensuring smoother treatment
Family members often bring their own biases and prejudices to discussions about mental health. In many cases, the individual asking for help is directed to a family member who will try to force out the ‘why’ instead of understanding that the individual is struggling and needs help. This gets further complicated when certain members of the family try to diagnose and prescribe their own remedies to what they perceive the problem as — often, psychotherapy and medication are discouraged. Such delays can not only cause the mental illness to worsen and become more deep-rooted, but also cause feelings of helplessness in the individual, points out Dr Sagar Mundada, a psychiatrist at Health Spring. Dr Dave highlights a phrase called ‘expressed emotions’, which describes the criticism and hostility sufferers receive regarding their mental illness.
This, she says, has been identified as the leading cause of relapses, even in more severe psychotic disorders. “Family members who constantly remind the individual of the emotional and financial burden their mental illness is causing or has caused the extended family unit are often directly responsible for such relapses,” she clarifies.
What you can do
Be available: Instead of compelling the sufferer to disclose all the ‘whys’ and ‘hows’ of their emotional state, acknowledge that they are in need of help. Express your availability and give them a patient ear, says Dr Mundada. “Given our society’s negative perception of mental illness, I was reluctant to seek help from a therapist for my anxiety until my mother urged me to. She did not negate or invalidate the physical and emotional impacts and, instead, participated whole-heartedly in the therapy so that she could better understand how to support me,” says marketing professional Kanchan Chhabria, 24. She adds that her mother’s refusal to complain about the financial implications of her therapy played a crucial role in her treatment.
Kanchan Chhabria, Rashida Khilawala and Dr Sagar Mundada
Don’t make it about yourself: It is common for family members to experience guilt or anxiety when a loved one discloses emotional distress. Make sure you aren’t displacing these on him/her — if you need help coping with your own emotional state, address that independently, advises Dr Dave. “When my marriage was falling apart, I suggested that both my husband and I undergo counselling. However, this suggestion was invalidated by my husband and my in-laws and it got to a point where I was contemplating suicide; Fortunately, my parents were supportive of my decision,” shares Rashida Khilawala, 34, a marketing strategist.
Avoid comparing: Resist the urge to draw comparisons with other friends, family members or acquaintances. The ‘now’ of what your loved one is feeling is much more important than any theories or labels you may ascribe to them.
Treatment versus cure: While certain disorders, especially those that are diagnosed and treated at their onset, can be cured, other long-standing traumas or deep-seated personality traits can potentially never completely be eliminated. Understand and respect the same, says Dr Dave. Some days may be better than the others; this does not negate the existence or severity of the mental illness, she emphasises.
What not to do
>> Minimise or negate the individual’s suffering
>> Believe that you know exactly how to fix them
>> Accuse him/her of attention-seeking; even acting out behaviours are cries for help
>> Label him/her as weak or selfish
>> Deny access to therapy and/or medication, as may be needed
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