Is grief too personal to post?

Three weeks ago when my dog Tyson passed away I kept looking at the hundreds of pictures I had of him on my phone And yes I wrote a post I am that person I use social media as a public diary sometimes to say things I feel I go through and I learnI posted multiple pictures of Tyson and my family and as people replied expressing their love for dogs or wishing Tyson well in the afterlife I could feel the warmthThere are many people who never post when they lose a loved one mdash family members friends lovers or pets They grieve in their own silent way But there are others like me who like to pen down their thoughts mdash sometimes even as a way to celebrate the lives of the ones who are no longer in our sphere Last month when journalist and author Jugal Mody passed away mdash social media was full of posts that spoke about his kindness his intelligence his friendships his magnanimous personality that gave so much love I had worked with Jugal and remembered him as a warm person but I didnrsquot know so much about him And as I read the posts I felt something mdash what a lovely person Jugal must have been to incite such overwhelming feelings in all his friends They gave him a befitting farewell and homageAnd so I say itrsquos okay to talk about your grief on social media mdash if it helps you so be it If it makes you feel like you are paying a tribute to a life well lived thatrsquos your call But when I saw influencer Malvika Sitlanirsquos post about her motherrsquos demise mdash complete with aesthetic pictures shot of her sitting at the grave and holding a rose in her hands mdash I felt conflicted This was not like the pictures I posted of Tyson mdash moments at home when I caught him looking adorable or staring at my mom in the most dumb way These pictures were not like Jugalrsquos photos that his friends posted mdash of fun times they had spent together with their goofy friendBut these pictures of Malvika mourning were not candid or shot by paparazzi who have been doing this for years at celebrity funerals they have been getting flack for it in the recent years These were planned These looked like they had been referenced from a movie poster These looked like they were meant to fit into that Instagram aesthetic many influencers now canrsquot do without They made me ask Should we even beautify our grief now to fit our online personality Does being an influencer mean we abandon the rawness of lifeWhen I started reading about this I realised there was a word for this phenomenon of influencers mourning publicly There is a word for everything these days I say It is called ldquopublicity grievingrdquo or ldquogrief labourrdquo which means that the grief is ldquostrategically curated to drive engagement maintain follower rapport and build personal brand authenticityrdquoWhat What does that even meanMaybe that means that we have lost sight of ourselves We donrsquot remember how we used to be before social media took over our lives Everything has to be set to music everything has to match an aesthetic everything has to be recorded everything needs to be reacted to mdash itrsquos a world that desperately needs to pause and think about what they are putting out thereI feel itrsquos healthy to share your grief mdash sometimes only because it finds resonance in another and they feel less lonely But maybe itrsquos high time we stopped curating our grief or curating our life for it to always look pretty and sorted We need to stop fearing judgement when we show up as our messy authentic selves My idea of an ideal social media will be when everyone posts without a filter mdash either on their face or on their lives Too much to hope forSee you next timeRanting and raving about all thatrsquos trending on social media Aastha Atray Banan is an author creator podcaster and the Editor of your favourite weekend read Sunday midday She posts at aasthaatray on InstagramSend your feedback to mailbagmiddaycomThe views expressed in this column are the individualrsquos and donrsquot represent those of the paper