<img style="float: left;" title="Rahul da Cunha" src="http://images.mid-day.com/images/images/2025/oct/Rahul_e.jpg" alt="Rahul da Cunha" width="200" height="69" />Donald Trump was truly livid. He paced up and down the White House lawns &ndash; &ldquo;How dare they, how dare they&hellip;&rdquo; he thundered.
Vice Prezzie<a href="https://www.mid-day.com/news/opinion/article/yash-minister-23598294" target="_blank" rel="none noopener"> JD Vance</a> was attempting to keep pace.&nbsp;
&ldquo;What ails you, sire, please share with me?&rdquo;&nbsp;
&ldquo;JD&hellip;the one quality that pains me is &lsquo;ingratitude&rsquo;. The world should acknowledge when a humble man such as myself, extends his incredible influence to bring about harmony way beyond his country or his own <a href="https://www.mid-day.com/news/opinion/article/lobo-lobo-and-the-stolen-cup-23597225" target="_blank" rel="none noopener">domestic concerns</a>.&rdquo;
He took a pause, then continued, &ldquo;How dare they, how dare they&hellip;&rdquo;
&ldquo;How dare they what?&rdquo; JD Vance enquired.
&ldquo;Vance&hellip;by now you should be able to predict how I&rsquo;m going to finish my sentences.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Sire&hellip;forgive me&hellip;&rdquo;
&ldquo;JD&hellip;How dare they not give me the Nobel Peace Prize! How can they steal it from me and give it to someone else? It was mine for the taking.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Yes it was, sire...&rdquo; Vance said.
&ldquo;It is an unfair world &mdash; a humanitarian like me &mdash; all I&rsquo;ve ever wanted was to help my fellow man &mdash; I am a peace broker, I am a peacemaker.&rdquo; He paused. &nbsp;
&ldquo;Like why did they give the <a href="https://www.mid-day.com/news/opinion/article/is-it-a-bird-no-its-dickie-bird-23596149" target="_blank" rel="none noopener">Nobel Peace Prize</a> to that Barack Obama guy&hellip;tell me&hellip;what was the reason? Did he bring about a ceasefire between any two countries? Iran-Iraq? Israel-Palestine? I have brought about a truce between Israel and Palestine last week! Hostages have been freed, Gaza is now strife-less, after a whole century&hellip; something that other guy&hellip; that PLO chap&hellip;Arafat, yes, Yasser Arafat&hellip;couldn&rsquo;t get and he still got a Peace Prize. &nbsp;I&rsquo;ve mediated between Russia and Ukraine, even called wassisname, Zelenskyy to the White House &mdash; okay I&rsquo;m trying to get Vlad, my buddy Putin to come&hellip;he&rsquo;s kinda dodging my calls. I&rsquo;ve brokered talks between India and Pakistan, if they give me a go-ahead, I can get that Asia Cup back from that Mohsin Naqvi. Talking about Pakistan, I am about to settle scores between the Paks and Afghanistan&hellip;in spite of the recent attacks.&rdquo;
As they walked, deep in thought, JD suddenly came up with a trump card.
&ldquo;Sire sire, I have a Eureka moment idea&hellip;what unites most Nobel Peace Prize winners? What unites them is that they are &lsquo;victims&rsquo;, or the underdog. This Venezuelan Machado lady, who got the prize instead of you, she&rsquo;s hiding &lsquo;underground&rsquo;; one of the previous winners, <a href="https://www.mid-day.com/news/opinion/article/the-way-you-were-23595010" target="_blank" rel="none noopener">Malala Yousafzai</a>, I mean she survived an assassination attempt on a school bus, targeted for her activism when she was a teenager &mdash; she was in a coma.
&ldquo;Why don&rsquo;t you go into hidin&hellip;like this Machado lady&hellip;we&rsquo;ll hide you away&hellip;we can hide you in one of the rooms in the Oval office and pretend that you&rsquo;re hiding in the Kandahar region...in a cave&hellip;like Osama did&hellip;it&rsquo;ll be so heroic&hellip; Sir, it&rsquo;ll be great to watch you in a beige coloured robe &mdash; maybe we should stage a proper assassination attempt?&rdquo;
&ldquo;But I did survive an assassination attempt.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Sire, the bullet &nbsp;hit your ear &mdash; we need to have a real one, dramatic, like JFK shot in the head by a sniper, or Reagen coming out of a car&hellip;the assassinations or attempted assassinations of US Presidents have always involved a car&hellip;even <a href="https://www.mid-day.com/news/opinion/article/lobo-lobo-the-coach-23587780" target="_blank" rel="none noopener">Nixon</a>.&rdquo;
Vance continued, &ldquo;I think we should set up a series of assassination attempts. Let&rsquo;s get one stalker &hellip;one assassin who tries multiple ways to bump you off, but in each case you get saved&hellip;it&rsquo;s a great narrative&hellip;we&rsquo;ll hide you away, and you trying to broker peace even when you are under personal attack &mdash; I have this one guy, he&rsquo;s a freelance mock terrorist &mdash; we can get him to stalk you, he&rsquo;ll attempt to car bomb you with fake RDX, then he&rsquo;ll snipe at you from skyscrapers with blanks. We&rsquo;ll give him multiple disguises, so the world will think that you have multiple enemies. We&rsquo;ll create fake death threats from ISIS, Hamas, Hezbollah, Lashkar-e-Taiba &mdash; we can create a social media story &mdash; &lsquo;Where is President Trump hiding? Where will they attack him next?&rsquo; In my view, they will have to give you the Nobel Peace Prize next year.&rdquo;
In fact, sire, let&rsquo;s write the first of your biographies &ndash; <a href="https://www.mid-day.com/news/opinion/article/mama-i-m-coming-home-23586627" target="_blank" rel="none noopener">Donald Trump</a> &ndash; Bullets and Bombs- My Journey to the Nobel Peace Prize.
Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, filmmaker and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com

In fact, sire, let’s write the first of your biographies – Donald Trump – Bullets and Bombs- My Journey to the Nobel Peace Prize

Nobel in pieces

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