The day after deleting Facebook

I deleted my Facebook account on Saturday as promised I had not realised it would be so difficult or that it would make so many people so upset Even borderline aggressive In the real world I would be covered with eggs and tomatoes by nowThe first person in my way was Mark Zuckerberg FB issues an ominous warning before letting you see the Delete buttonmdashmy entire life and memories of the last 18 years birthdays weddings book launches graduations awards those thousands of lsquofriendsrsquo Irsquove never met who still routinely lsquolikersquo everything I postmdashall would be irretrievably lost forever once I hit DeleteDonrsquot be a fool says Mark If you delete Facebook we will surgically remove most of your brain and its memoriesThen I saw that I could download all of them first It took a day and weighed 343 GB but finally it was done and downloadedJust before I clicked Delete Zuckerberg whispered again like Mephistopheles that maybe I was overreacting Perhaps I just needed a break from Facebook Why not deactivate the account instead of flushing it down the toilet That way my life would be kept on ice till I decided to reclaim itIt was tempting Deactivation would look like deletion no one would know I hadnrsquot thrown the keys away I could eat my cake and have it But there was a catch if I ever opened Facebook to check anything even for a moment the account would instantly be reactivated You can check out any time you like but you can never leaveLetrsquos talk about Bombai Click the QR code above to join my WhatsApp group to share your Bombai stories for my bookmdashand perhaps answer some of my Bombai questionsThatrsquos when I decided that this had to be nonnegotiable There will always be an argument for taking that last peg of whisky that last cigarette that final line of white powder Cold turkey exists for a reasonI clicked Delete In an instant I was free againBut Zuckerberg had the last word He chortled that he would not delete my account for 30 days Maybe Irsquod change my mind and go crawling back contritely to the gates of hellThen the rotten eggs started lsquoFriendsrsquo whorsquod not said a word to me in years since I accepted their friend requests emerged with guns blazing One trolled me asking why I was quitting When I explained my reasons she called me ldquoselfopinionatedrdquo and said it must be nice to live inside a wellldquoNo one as blind as those who wonrsquot see or as deaf as those who wonrsquot hearrdquo said another after hotly contesting my decision and warning me that I was making ldquoa big mistakerdquoAnother said I was blaming the tool instead of the usersldquoYou donrsquot delete friends and familyrdquo scolded another lsquofriendrsquo in her first ever words to me She cursed me with misery in my afterlife when I explained that my friends and family had existed before Facebook and were quite sure to survive itAnother one bemoaned the fact that I was retreating into ldquoselfexilerdquo not seeing that I was actually ending my social incarceration by this trivial antisocial platform But when Facebook has come to feel like life for so many leaving it must feel like death or at least exileOthers have done it before me Sarah Newman who quit in 2016 wrote ldquoThe world wasnrsquot put in front of me so I could sit there and pass my imperial judgment on each thing I was put on this earth to live not to sit around opining on the dayrsquos news Now I donrsquot have to pause and take photos of everything to share with my Facebook audiencerdquoNakul rejoiced ldquoI stopped broadcasting my opinions I stopped feeling alienated by the opinions of others I stopped comparing myself I stopped wasting time and regained privacy I didnrsquot know Irsquod missedrdquoMatthew De Silva has no idea what his old college buddies are up to but thinks thatrsquos quite ok ldquoWersquore probably not all that important to one another anymore People change and then they move onrdquoI had that experience too It took a failed attempt to convene a gettogether of lsquofriendsrsquo from our college class of rsquo72 to realise that we might have been buddies back then but when you reconnect with anyone after half a century there is often nothing much to see thereThe Guardianrsquos Zoe Williams wrote this year ldquoThe manipulative algorithms the spread of misinformation the generation of weird hostilities the amplification of divisive narrativesmdashthey were all right there Feeds were full of acquaintances who you didnrsquot know had that much anger in them raging about potholes or underwired bras or one of their kids There was a lot of preening and boasting a lot of puffedup positiontaking All this was before AI and even then it was rubbishrdquoWe have all made the mistake of confusing who we are with the strutting humblebragging personas that we create for ourselves on Facebook and Instagram Deleting that can feel like shooting yourself in the head but it takes just 24 hours to realise yoursquore suddenly alive again breathing the air of freedomMaybe we should remember Lao Tzursquos words here When I let go of what I am I become what I might beYou can reach C Y Gopinath at cygopigmailcomSend your feedback to mailbagmiddaycomThe views expressed in this column are the individualrsquos and donrsquot represent those of the paper