<img style="float: left;" src="http://images.mid-day.com/images/images/2022/may/Rahul-op_e.jpg" alt="Rahul Da Cunha" width="200" height="69" />Natasha aka Nats, my 19-year-old neighbour was annoyed, in an annoying Gen Z way.
She&rsquo;d been away, down a rabbit hole, not contactable, for a month.
Many WhatsApp messages and missed calls later, Lady Gaga Grouch responded by opening her door.
&ldquo;Yeah Bruh... whattup?,&rdquo; &nbsp;her face was lunar-eclipsed by a scowl.&nbsp;
&ldquo;Uh&hellip; Natasha, you&rsquo;re home? Where&rsquo;ve you been? I was worried.&rdquo;
&ldquo;I was on a staycation&rdquo;
&ldquo;What&rsquo;s a staycation?&rdquo;&nbsp;
(Eye-roll)
&ldquo;When you holiday at home. Plus to be honest&hellip; I was ghosting you.&rdquo;
&ldquo;So you were literally five feet away&hellip; why didn&rsquo;t you answer my messages?&rdquo;&nbsp;
&ldquo;Those messages were too passive-aggressive for me, ok Boomer?!&rdquo;&nbsp;
&ldquo;Duh huh what&rsquo;s passive -aggressive?&rdquo; I asked gobsmacked
&ldquo;Passive-aggressive behaviour is a pattern of indirectly expressing negative feelings instead of openly addressing them,&rdquo; Nats informed me.
I took a moment to calm myself down.
&ldquo;Yeah I know what the term means, for crying out aloud&hellip; we had social abnormalities long before you had social media!&rdquo;&nbsp;
&ldquo;Dude, my therapist says this toxicity is not good for me.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Ok go back into your cave and come out when you&rsquo;re in a less &lsquo;I am my world and no one else exists&rsquo; zone, we&rsquo;ll correspond then, if it&rsquo;s ok with your therapist.&rdquo;&nbsp;
&ldquo;Man you Baby Boomers, are all the same,&rdquo; she muttered, as she returned to her hermitage.
I waited as a minute passed, then she reappeared&mdash;&nbsp;
&ldquo;Rude dude who adds &lsquo;fullstops&rsquo; anymore?... look at these&hellip; &lsquo;Natasha, how are you, more importantly where are you??&rsquo; or this one, &lsquo;Worried about you, please call back, urgent!!&rsquo; Is there any requirement for full sentences, two question marks and two exclamation marks, is there?&hellip; dude it&rsquo;s too curt&hellip;&rdquo;
&ldquo;Okay, if you think a punctuation mark is passive aggression, and you mistake concern for curtness, I&rsquo;ll communicate in half-sentences even if it makes me seem half-educated.&rdquo;&nbsp;
&ldquo;Whateves,&rdquo; Nats said, nonchalantly.&nbsp;
&ldquo;Anyway, don&rsquo;t ghost our maid&hellip; she wants to know where you are, and if you need her to cook for you this evening!&rdquo; I said.
&ldquo;Huh?&hellip; Who&rsquo;s &lsquo;she&rsquo;?&hellip; what&rsquo;s &lsquo;her&rsquo;?... bruh what are these outdated words&hellip; &lsquo;her&rsquo; &lsquo;she&rsquo;?&rdquo;&nbsp;
&ldquo;Our maid is a &lsquo;she&rsquo; when I last checked&hellip;&rdquo;
&ldquo;I&rsquo;d prefer to use gender neutral pronouns,&rdquo; Nats said, annoyingly.
&ldquo;Let me rephrase using gender fluidity&mdash;our maid called. &lsquo;They&rsquo; wish to know if you want dinner tonight, it will enable &lsquo;them&rsquo; to go the market to purchase the required condiments. Will you call &lsquo;them&rsquo; back please.&rdquo;
I paused. &ldquo;How&rsquo;s that? Non-binary enough for you, Natasha?&rdquo;&nbsp;
Lady Chat-terly was not pleased by my sarcasm.
&ldquo;Rahul bruh&hellip; don&rsquo;t make fun&hellip; got it&hellip; if you&rsquo;re going to show me this condescension, like my parents do, then I&rsquo;m just&hellip; just&hellip; I thought you were more &lsquo;woke&rsquo; than that.&rdquo;
The approaching breadman/andawalla, sensing a hostile environment, retreated hastily.&nbsp;
A moment passed as Natasha re-analysed my status as confidant and I re-looked at the past- present tense ramifications, of &ldquo;woke&rdquo; vis-a-vis &ldquo;awake&rdquo;.
&ldquo;Natasha&hellip; I&rsquo;m concerned that you are becoming a cliched stereotype of your Gen Z. Blindly conforming to stereotypical lingo, your Pavlovian response to anything seems to lack individual character.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Will you stop mansplaining me?&rdquo; she rebutted.
&ldquo;Did you say, &lsquo;mansplaining&rsquo;&hellip; how can that be a word&hellip; please &lsquo;womansplain&rsquo; me.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Bruh&hellip; there&rsquo;s no word like womansplain!&rdquo;
&ldquo;So when a woman such as you, lectures a man such as me, that too who is 40 years your senior, what&rsquo;s that called?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Sense,&rdquo; said a poker-faced Nat.
&ldquo;Never knew that. My bad&rdquo;, I said.
&ldquo;I&rsquo;m glad you&rsquo;re learning how to converse in Gen Z-speak,&rdquo; she said.
&ldquo;That&rsquo;s &lsquo;my good&rsquo;,&rdquo; I said
&ldquo;Bruh, not every word has an opposite!&rdquo;
&ldquo;Right, so you&rsquo;re saying the opposite of &nbsp;&lsquo;woke&rsquo; isn&rsquo;t &lsquo;asleep&rsquo;?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Dude&hellip; I&rsquo;m done here, while you&rsquo;re displacing all your inner angst, I need to go and &lsquo;glow up&rsquo;, ciao.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Yes, you do need to &lsquo;grow up&rsquo;,&rdquo; I said
&ldquo;I said &lsquo;glow up&rsquo;, not &lsquo;grow up&rsquo;, there&rsquo;s a difference, Rahul uncle! &lsquo;Glow up&rsquo; means when a person becomes mature, attractive and confident, both physically and professionaly!&rdquo; Nats womansplained me, in conclusion.
Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com
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