<img style="float: left;" src="http://images.mid-day.com/images/images/2025/oct/Rahul-da-Cunha-op_e.jpg" alt="Rahul daCunha" width="200" height="69" />And so the British PM, the Rt Hon Sir <a href="https://www.mid-day.com/news/opinion/article/lobo-lobo-and-the-stolen-cup-23597225" target="_blank" rel="none noopener">Keir Starmer</a> came to town &mdash; to Mumbai city. His primary aim was to strengthen UK-Indo trade ties.
&ldquo;I&rsquo;m here to strengthen our trade relations,&rdquo; the Rt Hon Sir Keir Starmer told his delegation&hellip; and this was also communicated to the Indian press.
&ldquo;Sir Keir the only way to strengthen Indo-UK trade relations is if you return the Kohinoor Diamond to India,&rdquo; one spokesperson said
&ldquo;I&rsquo;m sorry but the diamond is lodged in the Tower of London, in a special Jewel house. How am I to get it out? Maggie Thatcher, Tony Blair, John Major, even Winston Churchill couldn&rsquo;t have got it out with all their clout.&nbsp;
I&rsquo;d have to hire the most adept jewel thief, like a <a href="https://www.mid-day.com/news/opinion/article/is-it-a-bird-no-its-dickie-bird-23596149" target="_blank" rel="none noopener">Pink Panther</a> and make sure there&rsquo;s no Inspector Clouseau after it.&rdquo;
&ldquo;So Sir Keir, we have to ask, what is the purpose of your visit, if it&rsquo;s not to return the diamond? You must be on a very important political mission.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Yes it is a very important mission. But it&rsquo;s not political, it&rsquo;s cinematic,&rdquo; Sir Starmer said.
&ldquo;Cinematic,&rdquo; tell us more, everyone asked.&nbsp;
&ldquo;You see, I&rsquo;m very photogenic, I was hoping to maybe get a role in the next Bond movie, maybe not as James, but as the gadgets expert &lsquo;K&rsquo;, since my initials are K. But while I was auditioning, there was a vacancy for the PM post. I tell you, it&rsquo;s easier to enter &lsquo;10 Downing Street&rsquo; than it is to become 007, so boom I got the job. Anyway, I&rsquo;m veering away from your question. I came to India to meet <a href="https://www.mid-day.com/news/opinion/article/the-way-you-were-23595010" target="_blank" rel="none noopener">Rani Mukherjee</a> at Yashraj Studios.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Oh I see.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Yes. See, I would like Bollywood to shoot movies, in the UK, we are developing many scripts together, us and YRF.&rdquo;
A Yashraj studio executive said, &ldquo;Yes we are in talks with the PM and his team to make a heist film called &lsquo;Aati Kya Kohinoor&rsquo;, with Rani and Aamir Khan. It could actually end up being a trilogy &mdash; a historical heist film set in the 1800s. See, the central story is the British have stolen the Kohinoor. Aamir Khan&rsquo;s character is a thief living in Kensington, his girlfriend/love interest lives in India, so he asks her to come to the UK. The song is called &lsquo;Aati Kya Kensington&rsquo;, so Rani goes to the UK, and together they steal back the Diamond.&nbsp;
The second part of the franchise is called &mdash; &lsquo;Laati Kya Kohinoor&rsquo;. Here we introduce another character,&rsquo;Heer Sona&rsquo;. He is an NRI jewel thief, who is hired to bring back the diamond to the UK.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Wow this seems quite ambitious. It will go a long way to improve Indo-UK ties.&rdquo;
While all this was going on, the <a href="https://www.mid-day.com/news/opinion/article/the-way-you-were-23595010" target="_blank" rel="none noopener">Southern film industry</a> went up in arms.&nbsp;
&ldquo;Why oh why, is the British PM favouring Bollywood. Our films in Tollywood are so much better!&rdquo; said SS Rajamouli. &ldquo;Our technology, our themes, better by far. We can make RRR &mdash; Richard Rajan Ramaswamy. It is a historical drama, it&rsquo;s a lost-and-found saga. The mother is from Chennai &mdash; she has three sons and the three sons are left at the bottom of Big Ben Clocktower. It is a lost-and-found formula film, how they three unite is the main thing,&rdquo; SS Rajamouli said.
&ldquo;Rajanikanth, Mohanlal and Kamala Hasan are the three brothers.&rdquo;
In the meantime, the <a href="https://www.mid-day.com/news/opinion/article/10-on-10-musings-on-memorable-mentors-23593929" target="_blank" rel="none noopener">YRF studio </a>executive continued-
&ldquo;Our &lsquo;Aati Kya Kohinoor&rsquo; film could also end up being titled &lsquo;DDLJ&rsquo;.&rdquo;
&ldquo;What does DDLJ stand for?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Diamond Diamond Le Jayenge. The second part could be &lsquo;The Return of DDLJ&rdquo;, and the third part of the franchise is &lsquo;DDLJ Strikes Back&rsquo;.&rdquo;
Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, filmmaker and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com

“Yes it is a very important mission. But it’s not political, it’s cinematic,” Sir Starmer said.

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