Confident, arrogant, or just a child?

Twelveyearold Ishit Bhatt recently stole the spotlight on Kaun Banega Crorepati not just for his knowledge but also for his tone which many found brash and disrespectful His assertive responses sparked a nationwide conversation about the fine line between confidence and arrogance in todayrsquos children often raising questions about modern parenting online influence and how society can help kids balance selfassurance with humilityPreeti Vyas president Content Strategy Partnerships and Consumer Products at Mythik reflects on the viral controversy as a lens on modern parenting ldquoIn our childhoods respect meant silence mdash speak only when spoken to donrsquot interrupt show deferencerdquo she says ldquoToday we want our children to be confident fearless and to speak up This backlash is the result of that shiftrdquoThis is the twosided coin of modern parenting in raising kids who are selfexpressive and can hold their own on a world stage ldquoWhen you encourage that kind of confidence without patient and consistent coaching this kind of fallout is naturalrdquo says Vyas ldquoOur expectations as a society and as parents need to find a balance We canrsquot on one hand expect a child to be a confident lsquominiadultrsquo and then criticise them for not being deferentialrdquoOn the incident itself Vyas is measured ldquoThe child wasnrsquot even aware he was being rude to Amitabh Bachchan mdash he was overenthusiastic There was an absence of coaching before the recording not just from parents but from the production team toordquo She also points to adult oversight ldquoIt was a recorded show The production team could have reinforced the rule of waiting to hear the question Directors can guide the flow if the goal isnrsquot just good TVrdquoVarun Dave Preeti Vyas and Dr Harish ShettyPsychiatrist Dr Harish Shetty agrees ldquoThe world has been harsh to this child passing judgment quickly over a brief tecircteagravetecircte Healthy confidence is about neither tone nor decibels itrsquos about the ability to communicate and be aware of onersquos feelings The boy spoke to Amitabh Bachchan as if he were an uncle in his drawing room displaying friendliness that purists might call audacious The trolling of the family may shame parents and if parents feel abused they may inadvertently be harsh on the childrdquoVyas adds ldquoThe behaviour we see in children mirrors the world wersquove created for them Itrsquos not fair to label the child lsquobadly parentedrsquo A childrsquos behaviour is shaped by home environment school culture societal expectations and media exposure Shows with brash characters like Shinchan teach children that speaking out is normal We give them uncontrolled media access and expect them to be perfectly poisedrdquoDr Shetty runs a workshop Jealousy to Joyfulness that helps transform emotions like envy into empathy and gratitude He believes empowered parenting begins with emotional literacy mdash helping children recognise feelings share responsibility and engage meaningfully with family and communityHarvardrsquos 75year study on happiness echoes this children who do household chores grow up more grounded and selfassured Parents who apologise and show appreciation model humility and respectDevelopmental paediatrician Dr Samir Dalwai New Horizons Child Development Centre highlights how modern childhood is being reshaped by the collapse of dynamic social learning systems and replaced by rigid binary structures ldquoAll academic teaching is inherently binary mdash right or wrong pass or fail good girl or bad girlrdquo he says ldquoThis is the opposite of the dynamic variable learning a child once got from an extended familyrdquo he adds arguing that in just the last 20 years mdash ldquonot even a blink in evolutionary termsrdquo mdash this sixmillionyearold process has broken downFamilies and neighbourhoods once offered children realworld nuanced feedback ldquoThe same act could get a smile from one aunt and disapproval from another mdash that variability taught empathy regulation and contextrdquo Dr Dalwai says Now gadgets and schools have replaced this diversity of human interaction leaving a generation unprepared for complex social cues Calling it an ldquoantievolutionary crisisrdquo Dr Dalwai points out that schools by design train children to operate in binaries while gadgets further isolate them from honest feedback What we have lost he rues is the dynamic trialanderror social learning that once helped children develop emotional intelligence adaptability and respect for othersHe condemns the culture of ldquofake nicenessrdquo and Westernstyle parenting that avoids all criticism arguing that kids need exposure to ldquosmall traumasrdquo and varied experiential feedback to build resilience Giving feedback does not mean shouting or beating a child he says but being honest and not tolerating everything He emphasises that children should have the freedom to do what they want within reasonable limits supervised under a ldquonurturing carerdquo plan that exposes them to multiple people and situations The child will learn the rest on their own through trial and error observation and the natural push and pull of a social world that challenges rewards and shapes them into emotionally intelligent individuals he saysModern parenting says Dr Shetty is often caught between love and guilt ldquoEntitlement in kids presents as blaming parents for everything being highly demanding and displaying rude inappropriate behaviour most of the time Being intolerant of a lsquonorsquo is the hallmark Indulgent insecure parents cause such behavioursrdquo he saysFor many children this sense of entitlement begins early mdash not from malice but from comparison and instant gratification Marketing executive Varun Dave 23 recalls being what he calls a ldquobrattyrdquo child one who always wanted to match or outdo his cousins ldquoIf my cousin had a metal toy car Irsquod reject my plastic onerdquo he says Every unmet demand led to sulking skipped meals and silent protest until he got his way However he outgrew it and it wasnrsquot a lecture from adults that changed him mdash it was life when his mother was hospitalised after an accident ldquoSeeing her like that made me realise I couldnrsquot behave like a child any morerdquo he says and he began valuing money relationships and responsibilityLooking back he says his parents were quietly firm with him mdash never saying a flat no or yes but tying every privilege to effort and accountability ldquoIf I wanted an iPhone it came with conditions mdash gym time school performance or chores when I finally got it I valued itrdquo He adds that if he were a parent today hersquod follow the same empathywithboundaries model ldquoIf my 12yearold wanted an iPhone Irsquod give them a regular one first mdash meet the need halfway but make them earn the upgraderdquoChildren are sponges absorbing what we model says Vyas ldquoTrolling a child for mistakes teaches trauma not lessons We need to let them experiment err and grow because thatrsquos how confidence matures into true social intelligencerdquoWhen parents replace indulgence with involvement and instant rewards with earned ones children learn what truly matters gratitude patience and perspective For Thane resident Madhuri Patil mother of Vasant names changed on request 14 the challenge was different mdash managing an only child in a joint family where everyone pampered him In her absence he would test limits disobey elders and break gadgets Instead of punishment she channelled his competitiveness she created a behaviour chart with daily goals that earned points for good behaviour When he saw the maid outscoring him it triggered change Missing out on screen time or favourite meals helped him understand consequences and over months the chart turned into a game of growth Patil says ldquoHe became responsible managed his time and learned to delay gratification He saved points for two and a half years to lsquobuyrsquo his PS5 mdash and that made him proud and carefulrdquoShe believes the method works best when the whole family supports it ldquoIf everyone is consistent the child feels secure mdash thatrsquos when real change happensrdquoRevolution requiredDr Samir DalwaiDevelopmental paediatrician Dr Samir Dalwai calls for bold reform mdash starting with schools He urges the government to impose a complete ban on digital gadgets until Grade I and insists that preprimary schools must stop teaching alphabets numbers and colours before the child has learnt social etiquette Instead early education should function like a village where learning is nurturing social and paced by the child not the curriculumFor parents he proposes a shared parenting model mdash six families forming a small ldquovillagerdquo One parent takes a halfday off weekly to host all the children giving them exposure to different personalities mdash the cantankerous uncle the gentle aunt The outcome he says is remarkable children become ldquofar more patient tolerant cooperative and less demanding or attentionseekingrdquo