Dating an insecure partner? Relationship experts hold affirmations paramount

With the dating culture changing by the day, heartbreaks have become rampant and so have the development of multiple insecurities, right from a young age. Infidelity, gaslighting, and ghosting are common woes of any romantic relationship. Those subjected to these behaviours end up developing insecurities that seep into their next romantic connection.

If your partner has been cheated on by their previous love interest or has had an ugly breakup, chances are, they might have developed certain insecurities and will take time to trust you entirely. Dating those with serious insecurities is not easy. Their insecurities, many times, can even make you question your decision to date them.

Experts say it is essential to truly dive deep into understanding the root cause of your partner's insecurities and work on it, together.

"Insecurities are a human trait and we all tend to get insecure at times," says Ruchi Ruuh, psychologist and relationship counsellor. Adding to this Dr Parth Nagda, consultant, psychiatry at Kokilaben Dhirubhai Ambani Hospital, Navi Mumbai says, "Many people deal with insecurities to varying degrees. A supportive and understanding partner can help them work through these challenges."

Understanding the causes of insecurities
Insecurities can stem from a variety of factors. Dysfunctional family dynamics, childhood traumas, bullying, low self-esteem, betrayal, financial stress, and social media influence are some reasons for insecurities in people. Nagda says, "Usually, it's a combination of all the above causes as well and not just one cause."

Insecurities due to previously unsuccessful relationships are common due to leftover emotional scars that erode confidence and trust. Previous hurtful experiences can make one feel unworthy and unloved and create fear of repeating the same pain leading to heightened sensitivity and mistrust. These insecurities negatively affect a new relationship by causing jealousy, suspicion and a constant need for reassurance.

However, insecurities can develop not just due to past failed romantic relationships, but also relationships with friends as well as family. Similarly, Ruuh also points out that insecurities can also stem from one's existing romantic relationship. "How one is treated and made to feel in their relationship also adds to the common causes of insecurities," she says.

Further, poor communication, where one feels unheard or misunderstood, excessive jealousy and possessiveness, power imbalances within the relationship, influences from family or friends and disagreements on values and goals can all contribute to feelings of insecurity.

Over time, if not addressed, these insecurities can strain the relationship, leading to misunderstandings, conflicts, and potentially even end the relationship.

Signs your partner is battling insecurities
To be able to identify signs of insecurity, you must closely observe your partner's actions and behaviour. Both Ruuh and Nagda list some common signs that can indicate insecurity:

1. An excessive need for reassurance, where they constantly seek validation in matters of appearance, decisions, or your feelings for them.

2. Jealousy or possessiveness can surface due to your interactions with others. This can stem from low confidence or fear of abandonment.

3. Avoiding discussion of certain topics, sensitivity to criticism, lack of self-confidence, or exhibiting perfectionist tendencies.

4. Partner engaging in constant self-deprecation or negative self-talk can be a clear indicator of their insecurity.

5. Comparing themselves to others, be it in terms of looks, success, or relationships, is another sign.

6. Social withdrawal to avoid potential judgment, and over-dependency on you for self-worth are all behaviours that can be linked to underlying insecurities in your partner.

Actions and behaviours that will worsen your partner's insecurities
If you are constantly doing things that are not a part of the agreed relationship dynamic, even after your partner has asked you to work on them or at the least voiced their concern, it will definitely cause distress for your partner.

Here are certain actions and behaviours that can exacerbate a partner's insecurity:

1. Dismissing or belittling your partner's feelings or concerns can intensify their insecurity.

Making comparisons to others, whether it's about looks, achievements, or past relationships.

2. Being secretive, hiding information, or being overly protective of your privacy.

3. Engaging in excessive or inappropriate flirting with others, even if it is harmless.

4. Repeatedly breaking promises or commitments.

5. Neglecting their emotional or physical needs.

6. Actively gaslighting them into accepting something that isn't the truth.

7. Failing to provide regular reassurance and affirmation of your love and commitment.

Ways to manage your partner's insecurities
Dealing with your partner's insecurity is crucial if you truly love them. Your constant love and reassurance of that love will help them overcome their insecurities. Here are a few things you must do to put your partner's mind at ease.

1. Have an open and honest communication. Provide them with a safe space to express their insecurities without judgements. This will help them deal with it in a healthy way.

2. Discuss boundaries so that the expectations of both partners are met. Make sure to have this discussion multiple times. Sometimes couples therapy can help to negotiate and safely discuss these issues in a relationship.

3. Listen actively and empathetically. This will make them feel heard and valued. It will show that you truly care for them.

4. Provide verbal and physical affirmation and reassurance of your love and commitment from time to time.

5. Boost their self-esteem. Help your partner build their self-esteem through positive reinforcement.

6. If insecurity is deeply rooted in your partner, suggest them for couple or individual therapy.

7. Avoid actions or behaviours that can trigger insecurities and work together to minimise them.

8. Work towards building their trust in you. Consistency, reliability, and transparency in your actions can help rebuild trust

8. Encourage personal growth and self-improvement to boost their self-confidence. Help your partner with stress management techniques that can aid in coping with their emotions and build resilience.

Remember that addressing insecurities takes time and effort from both partners. A healthy relationship is built on understanding and nurturing each other's well-being.

Also Read: 'I thought I was the problem,' Why some people find it difficult to end a toxic relationship