V-Day 2022: 'Determination to be in a relationship or to fight for love is missing': RJ Love Guru

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To say relationships are complicated would be an understatement. Every so often we find ourselves discussing them and taking advice from our friends, family, and experts. Radio City's show 'Love Guru' has been a platform for callers to share their feelings on air and ask for advice for the past two decades. To mark Valentine's week, the radio channel will air seven radio films featuring love stories that have been handpicked to enthral listeners and celebrate love. On Valentine's Day, the host of their long running show ‘Love Guru', who maintains anonymity till today, tells us how love and relationships have evolved over twenty years, the impact of the pandemic on dating, and much more.

Excerpts from the interview

What are some of the most common issues people come to you with?

We are living in an era where there is no time to spare, as everything is so fast paced. One of the most common issues that couples face is sparing ‘time' for each other. We are so busy and caught up in our daily lives that we fail to take out time for our loved ones, leading to a rise in communication and relationship gap.

This is the beginning of an unhealthy and suffocating relationship where insecurities start creeping in, which leads to trust issues. As a couple does not spend enough time with one another, partners start feeling uncomfortable and disconnected. It is thus crucial to ensure that you spare some time from your busy schedule and devote enough time to nurture your relationship and communicate with your partner, show love and care, as it is the crux of any happy association.

According to you, what is the one thing that has changed, as well as something that has remained unchanged over the past twenty years when it comes to love?

Two decades back, there was no external interference or influence that could impact a relationship in any manner as life before social media was quite different. Today, meeting new people on social media, getting in and out of a relationship has become very easy. A person is simply able to move on from a relationship in today's time as social media has made it very easy for a person to shift focus or download a dating app to distract oneself from the break-up.

In the past, partners used to adjust a lot and were more emotionally driven. However, the tolerance levels have come down drastically and relationships have become more fragile. Talking about what has not changed is the feeling of love, pampering your partner, getting jitters and butterflies every time your partner looks at you lovingly. The emotional and physical connection that love brings between two individuals remains unchanged.

Is there any way for you to know how things progressed for the callers who followed your advice? Share with us an instance of it going perfectly well, as well as comically downhill.

There are multiple instances where people call me on a regular basis to either get advice or share an update on their relationship on the basis of my recommendations. These regular callers feel extremely attached to me and consider me as their confidant to seek their relationship assistance.

In fact, let me tell you a story of a listener who called me yesterday. A young guy in his 20s told me that he is in such a relationship where his girlfriend is quite dominating and of late she has become abusive too. He asked for my suggestion of how he should deal with such a relationship. I advised the guy to move out of the toxic relationship immediately and focus his energies on something that will give him happiness.

Many a time, couples have called me just to thank me for being able to guide them and rekindle their love, for playing cupid, or for sharing recommendations to convince parents to accept the relationship and much more. It gives me immense contentment to be able to bring about a positive change in the lives of individuals as well as couples.

Which has been the most memorable love story for you?

Every love story and every question is distinctive and memorable to me. Every person calls me with a unique problem and being able to resolve the issues of my listeners gives me a kick. Once, a lady called me to seek advice for her soon to be married daughter and told me that her would-be in-laws were demanding dowry and the groom was also supporting his parents in seeking dowry. I calmed the lady down and told her that if the boy loves her daughter, he should stand against the dowry as there is no greed in love and if the boy does not love her daughter, he will harass her in the future. I thus suggested that the lady speak to her would-be son-in-law and understand whether he truly loves her daughter. A couple of days later, the lady called back to thank me for giving her the advice to speak to the boy. The boy admitted that he was under pressure from his family for seeking dowry and was apologetic for his earlier behaviour. The couple is happily married today.

It is overwhelming to know that not only teenagers but sometimes adults also need relationship advice. So even parents have been calling me to get relationship advice for their son or daughter because they believe in me and my conviction to help them and resolve their issues.

How do you think the round-the-clock confinement during the lockdown impacted relationships?

Every coin has two sides. Lockdown immensely changed the lives of everyone. There are instances where couples have grown together and fallen deeply in love by spending time with each other. However, there are many cases where many couples were not comfortable spending too much time with one another during the lockdown and there were quarrels, misunderstandings that led to an increase in divorces, separations or break-ups.

The pandemic led lockdown was more like an assessment time for couples, where many passed with distinction, while others failed miserably. Additionally, young love birds, namely teenagers, were the most impacted during the lockdown as they were not able to meet their partner for a long time and all the excitement of spending quality time with their soulmate was not possible.

How challenging do you think it is to find love in a fast-paced city like Mumbai?

Life is always occupied in a busy city like Mumbai where individuals spend the majority of their time commuting, which becomes extremely exhausting. Despite that, it is important for individuals to take out time and put in an effort to connect with their partner. Even if you are not able to give time for two hours at a stretch, calling up your partner and checking on them for five minutes, sending a text message showcasing your love and affection can also work wonders. Whether you live in Mumbai or Delhi or any other fast paced city, it is important to put in that little effort consistently to ensure smooth sailing of the relationship.

What have you learnt about love through your interactions with listeners?

I am extremely active on social media and keep on interacting with my followers on a regular basis. Once I had asked a question to my followers ‘What is your definition of true love?' to understand their perception about love. Some said that love is attraction, love is an emotion, love is an understanding, and one person said that there is no such thing as love.

I say that love is companionship, friendship, and respect for your partner. Love gives you freedom and motivation to pursue your dreams. Partners in a healthy relationship are humble and supportive of each other. But I have seen that in today's time, determination and the confidence to be in a relationship or to fight for love is missing. Partners easily give up on each other. So my advice to all the listeners is to love someone passionately with your whole heart and soul and stand by your partner even in the worst times as that is the true definition of love.

I would also like to add that society is becoming more inclusive towards same gender relationships. Parents are becoming more accepting towards their LGBTQIA+ children and understanding that it is a natural feeling that a person can have for someone. This Valentine's Day, we have heard many stories of LGBTQIA+ couples, which give me great joy.

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