'Give us more freedom’: Daughters share what they want from their families

ldquoThe least we expect is for them to trust usrdquoldquoGive us more freedomrdquoldquoI want my parents to let me pursue the career I wantrdquoThese were just some responses this writer received on asking the question ldquoWhat do you as daughters truly want or expect from your familiesrdquoAs India observed Daughterrsquos Day 2024 on September 22 people celebrated girls and women in their families sending heartfelt wishes and quotes expressing appreciation and gratitude for them This day serves as a reminder that every daughter deserves love respect and acceptance It especially holds importance in historically patriarchal societies like India where male children have long been favoured over girlsThis gender disparity has often placed daughters at a disadvantage leading to unequal treatment and access to opportunities like education The situation has improved over the years though the change is not uniform across areas and communitiesAccording to the National Family Health Survey Report 20192021 Indiarsquos sex ratio at birth stood at 1020 females per 1000 males While this paints a positive picture it doesnrsquot accurately represent the entire population as the Census doesFurthermore quality of life is another factor that is not considered in surveys and statistical analysis Compared to the past when female feticide was prevalent especially in rural areas more families today celebrate the girl child However in some families daughters struggle to get the freedom and opportunities they deserveAs the world focuses on womenrsquos safety and empowerment many believe the change needs to begin at home For that to happen parents need to know and understand what their daughters truly wantAlso Read Bellbottoms to ballet flats The glorious revival of vintage fashion trendsCommon challengesAnvi 24 shares ldquoI want to study further and eventually build a career in design However my parents want me to get married I just want them to understand my point of view and let me have a chance at pursuing this before I decide to move to the marriage phaserdquoThe discourse around women being married off early gained momentum in recent years when the Prohibition of Child Marriage Amendment Bill 2021 proposed to raise the legal age of marriage for women from 18 to 21 to make it uniform across genders However the Bill was not implementedThe pressure of marriage is faced by many daughters across the country and freedom from the same remains one of their primary expectationsAll Shatakshi Rawat expects from her family is to not be judged ldquoA little more freedom and a little less judgment is what I wantrdquo she saysA similar sentiment is echoed by Priti 21 who says ldquoGive us the freedom to make mistakes and trust usrdquoChild psychologist and parenting counsellor Riddhi Doshi Patel has seen many cases of parents lacking understanding and equality while raising daughters She reveals ldquoIn my professional experience I have noticed some very peculiar things while parents raise daughters From a young age they are expected to look good There are conversations about creams and cosmetics which might later lead to body image issues for girls Parents especially mothers take pride in young daughters ndash as young as 4 and 5 ndash talking about makeup nail polish etcrdquoldquoFew families are of the view that nursing MBA and teaching are the only good jobs for daughters as they need to take care of the family later on and rear babiesrdquo she addsReflecting on an experience she says ldquoThese parents had twins a boy and a girl While I was speaking to the children about pocket money management the father promptly said to his son ldquoUnderstand this will help yourdquo That surprised me When the world is talking about women empowerment some people still feel that only boys need to understand financesrdquoFurthermore she says ldquoAs daughters become more visible on social media they face scrutiny from both family and society regarding their online presence Families may monitor their daughters social media activity controlling who they interact with what they post and how they portray themselves especially in conservative settingsrdquoUnderstanding both sides is keyWhile daughters have certain expectations from their parents understanding the latterrsquos point of view also becomes importantAnushree Verma 19 shares ldquoI donrsquot have any expectations from my parents because they are already pushing boundaries to give me whatever I want They have always given me freedom because they trust merdquoHowever after the Kolkata rape case she reveals ldquoThey have been a little restrictive I understand where they are coming from and the fear that is instilled in them in me as well But as I go out into the world and start working that fear needs to go away Thatrsquos what I want ndash for them to be fearless and for me to gain strength from their fearlessnessrdquoAlso Read Decoding the setjetting travel trend and its influence on travel itinerariesTips for parentsfamiliesPatel shares the following tips for families to understand daughters better and create an emotionally safe space for thembull Create a safe and nonjudgmental environment where your daughter feels comfortable sharing her thoughts feelings and concernsbull Listen actively and empathetically without jumping to conclusionsbull Ensure that your daughter knows she is not bound by traditional gender roles Support her in pursuing her interests and ambitionsbull Help your daughter develop a healthy relationship with her body and appearance Refrain from making negative comments about weight skin colour or appearancebull As a parent model healthy emotional behaviours by managing your stress communicating openly about emotions and seeking help when necessary Your daughter will learn by observing how you handle challengesbull As your daughter grows itrsquos important to respect her need for independence Trust her to make decisions and offer guidance without being overly controlling This will help her develop confidence and decisionmaking skillsbull Make sure your daughter knows itrsquos okay to seek help if she is struggling mentally or emotionallybull Equip your daughter with tools to manage stress and adversity Teach her how to handle failure rejection and emotional challenges in a healthy way focusing on resilience and problemsolving skillsbull As your daughter grows respect her boundaries including her need for privacybull Never dismiss your daughterrsquos feelings as ldquodramaticrdquo or ldquooverreactingrdquo Validating her emotions even if they seem minor to you is key to helping her feel heard and supportedWhile sending wishes and quotes on Daughterrsquos Day is a heartfelt activity reflecting love and appreciation for daughters it is equally important to foster understanding support and trust through behaviours and actionsNames changed