Friendship gone wrong? Resolving conflicts to strengthen age-old bonds

On the occasion of International Friendship Day 2023 Middaycom reached out to 3 pairs of classic bestfriend duos who once inseparable are now out of touch entirely Issues like long distances career jealousy and possessiveness sparked complex emotional responses that ruined the delicate bond We racked the brains of relationship experts to learn about efficient ways of resolving conflicts within friendshipsCase 1 lsquoYou were not there when I needed yoursquoHandling conflicts within friendships can be a catch22 It is a paradox that neither can escape owing to contradictory way forwards Initiating a talk would mean gulping your ego while choosing silence reeks of a coldblooded attitude Friendships are love stories too and like any other love story ndash friendships go through a myriad of challengesAastha and Monika have been friends since they enrolled for a bachelorrsquos in Sociology from Delhi University Post their course both the girls chose paths tangential to their course While Aastha began studying communications Monika pursued her dream to launch a startup of sustainable clothing line Despite their busy lives the two friends would hang out and take road trips to explore diverse food and culturesOnce Aastha completed her course she struggled with campus placements to land a decent job For a while she went back to her hometown as nobody would give her a job Meanwhile Monika launched her business and gradually grew her reach She travelled the country built networks and gained a feat in her fieldFive years down the line the tables had turned With fast fashion overtaking the market needs the demand for sustainable clothing had fallenConsequently Monikarsquos business tanked and she suffered a blow Her investments could not be recovered which sent her into major debt All this while Aastha grew steadily by upskilling herself in communication tools She took up freelance gigs and built her body of work At this point the duo was not in constant touchAastha landed a creative role at a production house in Hyderabad for which she relocated to the city The job took her away from Monika who was struggling to defend her startup against the debt vulturesThe unequal realities between the friends sparked insecurities When Monika called Aastha to catch up ndash she was hysterical and blamed Monika for her setbacks In a bid to gaslight her Monika said ldquoYou were never there for me when I needed yourdquo Aastha being clueless about these remarks told Monika that she was delusional and needed to sort herself out This led to a heated conversation and where the duo called out each other on their shortcomings After that phone call neither of them made efforts to reconcileResolving conflicts that arise from competition1 Can this be termed lsquocareer jealousyrsquo What gives rise to this form of misunderstandingMindfulness coach and the founder of Moonlit wellness solutions ndash Natascha Shah calls this situation a classic example of lsquocareer jealousyrsquo Jealousy is often triggered by past insecurities and experiences Shah remarks ldquoAs Aastha struggled to find a job while Monika achieved success with her startup Aastha may have felt envious and insecure about her own career This can lead to resentment and blaming the other person for ones setbacksrdquo2 In such instances what is the way to resolve conflict and help the two friends reconcileIn order to resolve conflict and help the two friends reconcile it is important for both Aastha and Monika to have open and honest communication They need to express their feelings concerns and frustrations in a calm and understanding manner It is vital to listen to each others perspectives and try to understand each others experiences and struggles By empathising with one another they can work towards rebuilding their friendship and overcoming negativityMeanwhile relationship expert and life coach Acharya Ravi Kumar Sardana is of the opinion that this is not career jealousy but rather a case of miscommunication He suggests ldquoIdeally they should sit together surrounded by nature with their phones turned off They need to disconnect from the outer world and really listen to each otherrsquos deepseated traumas A few hours of uninterrupted togetherness are what Monika and Aastha require at this crucial momentrdquoTips to get over career jealousyAcknowledge the Issue Both friends need to acknowledge that there has been jealousy and that it has affected their relationship Avoiding or denying the problem will not lead to resolutionHave an honest conversation Set aside a time to talk openly and honestly about the feelings of jealousy and how it has impacted the friendship Each friend should be given the opportunity to express their feelings without judgmentPractice active listening During the conversation listen attentively to what the other person is saying Show empathy and try to understand their perspective and emotionsExpress regret and apologise If either friend realises that their jealousy has caused harm they should express regret and apologise for their actions and feelingsFocus on the friendships value Remind each other of the positive aspects of the friendship and the reasons why they became friends in the first place This can help reestablish the bondAddress insecurities Discuss any underlying insecurities that may have contributed to the jealousy Openly talk about personal struggles and concerns related to careers and life pathsCase 2 ldquoI care about you more than anyone elserdquoAs friends evolve together they unlock new dynamics of companionship Vital phases of life like career personal growth relationships and even relocations are factors that can either make or break a friendship While there is no right way to do it how one reacts and responds to tough situations decides the course of this beautiful bondHarleen and Yash are childhood buddies who grew up together in Jalandhar Both of them understood each other and cherished their companionship At the coming of age Harleen left to pursue management studies while Yash enrolled for training to join the Indian army Despite the distances the duo made sure they talked to each other and shared life updatesMeanwhile during her course in management Harleen happened to meet a boy ndash Sahil He helped her out with statistics and they hung out often Eventually his sweet gestures swept her off her feet and she fell for him Harleen decided to give a chance to love and committed herself to Sahil All this while the communication with Yash became weak and he wondered what keeps her busyOne evening Harleen informed Yash that she is in a relationship and cannot devote much time to her friends Yash was dumbfounded at this statement and tried to tell her that dating doesnrsquot mean friendships are over To this Harleen responded stiffly by saying that she has obligations and cannot sacrifice the precious time that she wanted to spend in the company of SahilThis attitude created a rift in their friendship Yash tried to tell her that friends donrsquot give up on each other despite being in a relationship However Harleen paid no heed to Yash and ignored his requests Eventually the duo lost touch with each other and got busy with their individual livesSix months into the relationship Sahil informed Harleen that he will be leaving for Chicago for his further studies Because of this he will have to break up with her as that is the only practical option This news knocked out her senses and she was devastated She fell into a dark space and decided to call Yash to seek his counsel At this moment Yash was bitter about Harleenrsquos treatment but decided to speak to herAfter hearing about Harleenrsquos dilemma he told her to break off the relationship But Harleen is deeply attached and thinks Yash is being too critical The duo hung up on a disagreement but Yash told her that he cares about her more than anyone else ever could Yash maintained his stand that Sahil is toxic while Harleen feels she can still win his loveResolving conflicts that arise when one friend begins to date1 How can two friends reconcile in a situation like thisSardana admits the difficulty of reconciling at this juncture ldquoA character like Harleen would not listen to anyone as she lives in a bubble In my opinion time is the best healer A few months further she may realise that Yash is a real friend who stood next to her in every situation without demanding personal spaceWhile Shah shares that such conflicts demand open and honest communication If one cannot comprehend how to express without having an outburst itrsquos best to journal onersquos feelings first Understand the reasons behind the emotions release them and calm down only then they can have a mature discussion without being defensive or attacking each other ldquoBe mindful of the other personrsquos perspective and acknowledge each others feelings and experiencesrdquo she adds2 What is the healthy way to proceed when two friends get joined in by a third person ndash a romantic partnerShah shares handy tips to engage a romantic partner with onersquos best friends The most important point of focus here is to establish clear boundaries and expectations while respecting each others individual relationships Secondly they should try to spend quality time together and include the romantic partner in group activities to foster a sense of inclusion and cohesion while respecting the privacy and autonomy of each persons partnership3 How can romantic partners befriend their partnerrsquos friendsStart by being open friendly and inclusive Try to get to know your partnerrsquos friends and spend time with them in various social settings Showing genuine interest in their lives hobbies and opinions can help foster a sense of connection and friendship It is important for the romantic partner to be respectful supportive and understanding towards their partners friendsThey should avoid being possessive or trying to separate their partner from their friends Building trust maintaining open communication and being inclusive can help strengthen the bond between the romantic partner and their partners friends Sardana adds that while getting to know your partners friends is important but remember that they had a preexisting relationship with your partner Respect the friendship they already have and dont try to replace anyoneTips to engage a romantic partner with the best friend duoCommunicate openly If any concerns or discomfort arise with the new dynamic communicate openly and honestly with your friend Express your feelings in a nonconfrontational manner and listen to their perspective as wellAvoid interfering Be mindful not to interfere in your friends romantic relationship Allow them to navigate their own journey without unsolicited advice or judgmentsInclude the partner When planning group outings or activities consider including the partner if appropriate This will help foster a sense of inclusion and integration within the friendship circleRespect their time together Understand that your friend may spend more time with their partner as their relationship develops Be understanding and dont take it personallyFind common ground Try to find common interests or topics of conversation that involve all three of you This can help create a bond between you and your friends partnerCase 3 ldquoWe donrsquot talk anymorerdquoConflicts are inherent to human interactions If you have never fought with your best friend chances are you both might be faking it to keep things civic It is natural for disagreements to seep into friendships and dare the two friends to resolve the matter at hand What can be absurd is accepting distances as their new dynamic and dumping their ageold bond like it never existedRiddhima and Jane have been roommates ever since they arrived in Bengaluru to study fashion The duo was too compatible as they enjoyed similar cuisines watched adult comedy and often bought similarlooking outfits They both were introverts and found a recluse in each otherrsquos companies After years of tackling loneliness the duo felt they had found their soul sisterDuring their fashion studies they launched an iconic venture of genderneutral clothing The newage style and comfortdriven clothes made an uproar and soon the duo became popular for their edgy fashion design skills They were students by the day and hosted fashion patrons by the night Each day was a funfilled thriller ride that only went upPost the completion of their course Riddhima got placed in Canada while Jane landed a job in Delhi The news was bittersweet for both They were happy about the next chapter of their lives but were terrified to lose each other With salty eyes and a heavy heart they parted ways and wished each other the best Once Riddhima landed in Canada the duo ensured constant communicationHowever with time things changed ndash they both got busy with life It has been 4 years since they have been living apart The communication has fallen apart but both remember how special their friendship was Today they get updates about each otherrsquos lives from social media stories and dull messagesResolving conflicts that arise from longdistances1 How can friends in longdistance maintain their friendshipsSardana remarks ldquoThough they may be in different time zones but if there is a will there is surely a way forwardrdquo Friends in longdistance can maintain their friendships by prioritising regular communication through video chats and social media Sharing their lives being understanding of each others time constraints and planning visits when possible are crucialThey can also engage in shared activities remotely support each others goals and be open and honest about their feelings Sending snail mail and organising virtual hangouts with other mutual friends can add variety and depth to their interactions ensuring the bond remains strong despite the physical distanceTips to engage meaningfully despite long distances between friendsTransformation coaches and cofounders of InnerInfinity Mehak Talwar and Ruchi Mutneja share how longdistance friends can make their conversations more meaningful and connect deeper1 Strengthen your bond by reminiscing about the joyful moments youve shared together and expressing genuine appreciation for your partner2 Ensure that on special occasions when physical presence might not be possible you try to spend quality time together virtually3 Cultivate a strong emotional connection by consistently sharing both the highs and lows of life with your partner4 Deepen your relationship by engaging in discussions about your future growth plans and strategizing together as a team5 Keep your love alive by occasionally sharing precious memories and pictures with each other and othersAlso Read From lovers to buddies Is it really possible to be friends with your ex