How easy is it to find love? It takes serious toiling, is what three couples iTALK spoke with, tell you. Having to live with the HIV infection, a failed marriage or even a couple of extra kilos, can kill your chances. Aastha Atray Banan explores the competitive marriage market to find how couples on the fringes are finding love
How easy is it to find love? It takes serious toiling, is what three couples iTALK spoke with, tell you. Having to live with the HIV infection, a failed marriage or even a couple of extra kilos, can kill your chances. Aastha Atray Banan explores the competitive marriage market to find how couples on the fringes are finding love
Marriage and size
I will love you hamesha, no matter what size you may be
Murugavel Janakiraman CEO and founder of Bharatmatrimony.com
These are customised weddings of a different sort, those that take into account what shape you are. When Delhi-based siblings Megha and Aditi Gupta launched Overweightshaadi.com, they had no clue about the popularity it would eventually enjoy. It was an idea that struck them after they attended an overweight cousin's wedding. Finding a partner when the image of reed-thin beauty perpetuated by the media is not your strength, is quite a task for urban youngsters. "We launched in April 2008, and have arranged two weddings since. We have over 1,000 registered members, and receive 500 hits a day," says Megha.
They seem to be cutting into the market share of popular matrimonial sites. But Murugavel Janakiraman, CEO and founder of Bharatmatrimony.com, says he isn't affected. "The fact that these sites cater to specific segments, doesn't mean we don't. It's just that we don't advertise it. You have to understand that a divorcee (who can register on secondshaadi.com) may not always want to marry a divorcee. We provide them that freedom." As far as preferences about colour and weight go, he doesn't see the need to segregate. "We are a Dravidian country. Almost half of us are dark skinned. These days, people aren't bothered about all this. It's about finding a loving, stable spouse."
Murugavel's argument may lose ground when faced with overweightshaadi.com's success. Besides hits from India, the site receives response from countries like Brazil and the UAE. "I guess overweight people everywhere have the same problems. We did intensive research before we launched, and discovered that in India at least, looks are very important. Even if you are 10 kgs overweight, you will find it tough to find a spouse. That's why people ranging from plump to obese register with us," says Megha.
Although the sisters thought that they would see more women members, there has been a steady flow of men too. "They are all facing the same dilemma women are not a size zero, and all men don't have a six pack. When they register on our website, their weight is no longer a stigma."
The website has two registration options: one is free, where you can view full profiles. Or you can pay a Rs 3,000 registration fee for 12 months, and get to view contact details of members, so that you can get in touchu00a0 with them directly.
One of their success stories is of Gaurika and Abhishek Gupta, who tied the knot last June, and are now based in Seattle, US. Gaurika, a 27 year-old Ludhiana girl, had posted her profile on several matrimonial sites without any luck. "I could never have met Abhishek if I hadn't registered on this site. Our needs were identical, it was a straight match," she says in a telephonic interview.
Courtship reserved for the elite!
Believe it or not, that's the catchline for Bharatmatrimony.com's new site, elitematrimony.com. The exclusive matrimony service is for a select few, and membership is by invitation only. You can fill the form on the website and will be told whether you fit the bill or not. "This website only caters to the super rich and film stars," says Murugavel Janakiraman, CEO and founder of Bharatmatrimony.com.
'But it might just make you complacent'
Dr Maya Kirpalani Consultant psychologist at Jaslok and Bhatia Hospitals
With regard to finding an overweight partner,u00a0 the issue is a complicated one. What members of such sites need to realise is that their problems won't end by marrying a mate with the same weight. It might in fact, make them more complacent and leave them with the "I am what I am" attitude, rather than trying to get fit.
Second-time marriages
When your past plays spoilsport with the future
Vivek Pahwa
Vijay Mahnot, 37, and wife Sona didn't expect to find love so soon, if ever. But the couple who met in December 2007 through Secondshaadi.com, a matrimonial website, couldn't be happier. "I heard about the site through a friend," says Vijay, Vice President (Corporate) at Satya Developers Private Limited. When Vijay and Sona chatted endlessly, often sharing details about their past experiences, they realised they'd found common ground. "It's not as if we were empathising or sympathising with one other. We just clicked."
Vivek Pahwa, CEO of Secondshaadi.com, says amongu00a0 the chief reasons for guests to log on, is the desire to find love and companionship, again. "They are not satisfied with the services of a mainstream matrimonial site.
This is where our site fits in," shares Pahwa. The website has 1,000 members and has arranged 150 weddings since it launched in 2007.
Poll reveals
They remarry for kids
A poll conducted by Secondshaadi.com revealed that the maximum number of people decide to remarry in order to start a family (53%). The second most accepted reason for remarriage is a yearning for companionshipu00a0 (reported by 38% members). The results were obtained from an online poll conducted among 1,000 members of Secondshaadi.com
Marriage and illness
HIV+ or Muslim. How does it matter?
Hamid Salmani, 41, first realised he was HIV+ in 1990. But since that was all he was told, sans any counselling, he forgot about the "insignificant" detail. It was six years later, in 1996, when his wife delivered their son at Nair Hospital in Mumbai, that he was informed that the couple and their newborn were HIV+. The true meaning of having to live with the illness hit him in 2005, when his wife died, and no one from their neighbourhood was willing to help with the funeral rights. "They wouldn't touch us. That's when I swore to help people like me," says Hamid, now a full-time social worker.
The Pune resident who was once involved in the manufacture of mithai boxes, and the supply of spring hardware, is now involved with PLHA (People Living with HIV AIDS), an idea replicated throughout the country by groups of volunteers, each working in a particular geographical zone. In March of last year, Hamid and other PLHA volunteers headed to Satara, a village in Maharsahtra, to try and find spouses for HIV+ patients. "What we experienced was disheartening. People approached me and said, 'I am HIV+. But I'm Maharashtrian. So, I want a partner from the same religion and caste.' And I wondered, how does it matter whether you are Muslim or Hindu?" he says, his voice quivering with frustration.
To set an example, Hamid tied the knot with a Maharashtrian HIV+ woman, Vijaya Gaekwad, now Reshma Salmani. "She chose the name herself," he admits with a shy grin. Reshma and her two daughters were abandoned by her in-laws after her husband's death.
u00a0
Inspired by Hamid's example, three couples in Satara and four in Sangli tied the knot. The last such soulmate search was conducted at Sarvodaya Hospital in Mumbai, where two couples got engaged. "What matters in the end is that people find someone to love them. Once you are HIV+, what role does religion, caste or social standing play? You just need someone to love," Salmani says, looking fondly at Reshma, who's been quiet all along. "I am very, very happy," she manages to mumble before we leave.
HIV+ parents can have normal baby
Girish R Trivedi
Founder, AIDS Combat International
When an HIV+ individual marries a partner who suffers from the same illness, it provides great support, especially mental. They understand each other better. But along with that, there is the practical side. They can start practicing safe sex with each other (use a condom at all times), so that their child is born HIV-. This is possible through the Mother to Child Transmission Prevention programme, where if the mother takes a certain medicine in the seventh month of pregnancy, doesn't breastfeed, and delivers through a C-section, the chances of her child being born HIV-, are 98%.
The Human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) is a lentivirus (a member of the retrovirus family) that can lead to acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS), a condition in humans in which the immune system begins to fail, leading to life-threatening infections.
Now, there's a matrimony channel
BharatMatrimony launched the World's first matrimony channel on the Internet on January 6.
BharatMatrimony.tv features exclusive and exciting videos that will create an engaging and informative experience for audiences across the globe. It's going to produce capsules covering news, events and developments in the world of marriages. Video clips featuring weddings of topnotch celebrities, fashion, style and bridal wear are also available. The video clips in multiple categories will be added to the site on a regular basis. The video polls, launched for the first time in India, capture the opinion of the youth across the country, on issues related to marriage.
Log on https://tv.bharatmatrimony.com/ and watch newlyweds Sandeep and Manya talk about how happy they are, or listen to why singleton Mangesh wants to get married ASAP!
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