‘Emotional Intelligence’: A Mumbai-based psychologist explains its importance

Cognitive intelligence was often considered the most important characteristic to be successful in life but that notion has been changing Lately whether in the professional sphere or in onersquos personal life being smart is no longer thought of as the only way to thrive Equally significant today is the skill to understand and connect with the emotions of the people one interacts with The concept of lsquoemotional intelligencersquo is aimed at helping acquire that skillA quick glance at popular event listing platforms makes it evident that the buzz around EI is growing Workshops on this subject are being offered weekly and to people of all ages Mumbaibased psychologist and psychotherapist Hvovi Bhagwagar explains what emotional intelligence is and shares its importance in our current strained timesWhat is lsquoemotional intelligencersquo Are emotional quotient and emotional intelligence the same thinglsquoEmotional intelligencersquo was a term that gained huge popularity in the late 1990s after Daniel Golemanrsquos book lsquoEmotional Intelligence Why It Can Matter More Than IQrsquo was released In simple words emotional intelligence is the capacity to recognise our own feelings and those of others ability to motivate ourselves and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships Of course Golemanrsquos definition of EI has still stood the test of time It includes selfawareness selfregulation selfmotivation social awareness and social skillsEI and EQ are used interchangeably by most people But technically EQ is a quantifiable measure of onersquos emotional intelligence which is measured by a standardized tool However the accuracy of EQ measurement is not as standardized yet as that of IQ Possibly because emotions themselves are so difficult to understandHow important is it for someone to be emotionally intelligent in todayrsquos timeAlmost everything we do in todayrsquos world is dependent on our ability to manage emotions We donrsquot really need to be in survival mode like our ancestors who hunted for food But we do need to know how to make stable decisions manage time solve conflicts negotiate work in teams and manage angerWhen we are unable to modulate our reactions for example manage our anger or anxiety then these emotions explode into the social environment causing breakdowns in communication rage episodes breakups and conflictsRight now the situation is extremely grim around the country due to the coronavirus pandemic How does emotional intelligence come into play in the current situationOur emotional intelligence could be playing a large role in why some countries are faring better than others in managing the pandemic Take Brazil USA and India which show the highest positivity and death rates Scientists have pinned this down not just to population density or mutant virus but also to behavioural factors such as inappropriate masking socialising and poor hygiene Suffice to say people in these countries are not reacting emotionally intelligently They fail to recognize the importance of longterm gain over immediate gratificationWe also need a strong EQ to physically survive the stress of this pandemic We need to learn how to cope with isolation increasing work pressures and the everincreasing threat to our health With everything shifting online everyone from workers bosses teachers and students need to make a mental shift in their work habits Major shifts in daily routine eat up a lot of our emotional energy and we need a good EQ to see us through thisWhat are some of the tips you would suggest to enhance onersquos emotional intelligence and deal with these timesReduce your stress Delegate Organize Simplify Fix physical health issues and seek support for mental health issues Clean up your sleep hygiene Stress reduction is sciencersquos number one method to increase EQDefinitely engage in a practice of mindfulness for 510 minutes once a day Several apps are available for this like Headspace This will ensure that you stay mindful about masking surface touch physical distancing in public Mindfulness will also help you appreciate being in the present moment rather than getting restless about what is being missed outFocus on the future not immediate pleasures Missing out parties weddings festivals vacations are a small price to pay if we can emerge faster from this pandemicStand to gain from deeper intimate conversations with people Prepandemic we relied too much on small talk brief coffee meets and social gatherings to ward off boredom Now when these are not possible we need to have more meaningful engagement with others which also means allowing oneself to be emotionally vulnerableIs there a fine line between being emotionally intelligent and being sensitive How does one balance bothPeople confuse emotional intelligence with sensitivity and it is assumed that sensitive people ldquolet their feelings hang outrdquo are ldquotoo nicerdquo and ldquooversharerdquo While emotional intelligence does include a component of sensitivity but there are many further components to it For example decision making motivating oneself solving conflicts or managing time which donrsquot necessarily involve sensitivityHow can one nurture emotional intelligence in childrenA very small example of teaching emotional intelligence to our children is how we raise our boys and girls to break gender norms For example teaching boys to work in the house or teaching girls to be assertive Other ways definitely include teaching kids the value of humanity kindness patience discipline Not placing overemphasis on academic performance is the golden rule