Singer Rihanna's recent split with abusive boyfriend Chris Brown proves it's never too late to tackle domestic violence. iTALK tells you how and why
Singer Rihanna's recent split with abusive boyfriend Chris Brown proves it's never too late to tackle domestic violence. iTALK tells you how and why
Hits and misses are part of life, but a combination of the two in love spells bad news. R&B star Rihanna has finally found the courage to call it quits with abusive BF Chris Brown, who had beaten her all through their relationship. The day the Grammy awards were announced this year, Brown was arrested for assaulting Rihanna, and she confessed to frequent harassment.u00a0
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Brown made a public apology, and about two weeks later, a leaked photo revealed the diva's black-n-blue days. Though Brown is showering Rihanna with birthday gifts to win back a place in her good books, the Disturbia artist isn't giving in yet.
Nip the problem in the bud. Warn him the first time he misbehaves, and raise an alarm the next time.
>>Don't hesitate in telling friends and family, no matter how nice he maybe at other times.
>>Seek counselling.
>>Stop yourself from returning to him, no matter how high the urge. Remember, respect must go hand-in-hand with love for any relationship to be successful.
>>Involve him in Yoga on some pretext. It increases levels of patience, and calms rash behaviour, just in case you think he isn't a compulsive abuser.
>>Avoid his company when he, or you, are drunk.
>>Take legal action; support groups are at hand.
The much misunderstood 'abuse'
Dr Vinod Chebbi
It isn't just slaps and threats that qualify as abuse, says Dr Vinod Chebbi, sex, marriage and psychotherapist and founder of the Medisex Foundation in Bangalore.
"Sexual abuse occurs in two ways emotional and physical. In the first, your partner's words and actions ruin your self-esteem. It is worse than the second form," he laments. In this case, you feel undeserving and may get addicted to self-pity. "A woman keeps reliving her tragic story. This must stop," he warns.
In the physical form, one ends up feeling misused, or even enjoys it in the beginning. "Some women have told me they fantasise about being raped," reveals Chebbi. "But, in most cases, women end up feeling that their body was used," he adds.
You know things are going wrong when:
>>You feel scared of your partner.
>>You avoid conversations that can anger or upset him.
>>You've never felt you're good enough.
>>Your partner never gives your words and actions due acknowledgement or appreciation.
>>Threats of harming you, your children or himself are common when he loses his temper.
For help, call:
Aabha Pragyana Bodhini School Goregaon (W).
Call: 28581308
Centre for Social Action
Eucharistic Congress Building No III, 5 Convent Street, Colaba.
Call: 22021509u00a0
Majlis
A 2/4 Golden Valley, Kalina-Kurla Road, Kalina.
Call: 26662394
He who inflicts the blow is weak
Arti Anand, Consultant Clinical Psychologist, Ganga Ram Hospital
"The offender has an inferiority complex, is weak, and doesn't know the difference between right and wrong. He feels helpless himself. It's a false sense of power that drives him to such extremes. Conditioning is also a significant factor. If a man had seen his father beating up his mother, he won't feel guilty about it.
Many educated men are very amiable in social circles, making it awkward for wives to let out dark secrets to common friends, but it is important to do so. Such people also need counselling, but they're unlikely to change, so, you must exercise precaution and distance instead."
The same-sex story
An article in the Natchez Democrat newspaper of Mississippi states that lesbians and gay men also face domestic violence. Getting help becomes difficult in such cases, because of their secretive nature.
It's a man thing, too!
Bell Bajao is a campaign that urges men to take a stand against domestic violence. Actor Boman Irani is playing the frontman. Log on to bellbajao.org and join in.
Don't confuse it with S&M
In Paulo Coelho's Eleven Minutes, Maria, a prostitute, experiences enlightenment through sex that involves sadomasochism, or violent infliction of pain for pleasure. S&M should not be confused with exploitation, though one must be aware of the act.
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