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Having an affair with married ex, minus sex

Updated on: 16 May,2011 07:48 AM IST  | 
Diana |

I'm 30 years old. I recently got married. I have had a girlfriend for four years now; I decided not to marry her because of her monetary problems that I couldn't help out with

Having an affair with married ex, minus sex

Dear Diana,
I'm 30 years old. I recently got married. I have had a girlfriend for four years now; I decided not to marry her because of her monetary problems that I couldn't help out with. She married her old boyfriend who is well off financially. We've done everything short of actual sex. She keeps inventing a reason to avoid it. When I tell her we should break up, she refuses to comply. And keeps insisting we won't have sex. What's left to hang around for this relationship then? Should I continue having a relationship with my girlfriend?



Manjunath


Dear Manjunath,
An extra-marital affair with your married ex is dangerous business. You did right by staying out of her life as you couldn't provide for her. But it's also wrong on your part to have an affair with her in the hope that she will give in to your sexual advances. I feel she understands the risks involved while you do not. I suggest you break up with her as soon as possible. This relationship, given the current situation, isn't meant to be. Instead, spend your efforts trying to build your relationship with your wife. She has done you no wrong while your girlfriend has only held out in the hope of drawing you back to her.

How much is too much?

Dear Diana,
I have been trying to masturbate too many times a day. I'm now wondering how much is too much. Usually I masturbate four times a day. But now I have reached the point where I can barely ejaculate anything anymore. Can I recover from this and what do I need to do?

ABC

Dear Friend,

This isn't permanent, your sperm will be back, and the longer you wait between masturbating the more you will ejaculate each time. If you do it once a day you should be back to normal. Give it time, don't get addicted to the habit.

I don't enjoy my boyfriend's company

Dear Diana,

I'm 24, my boyfriend is 25. We've been together for five years now. He has no bad habits - doesn't drink or smoke, doesn't while away his time or party with stupid friends. And I actually wanted a guy like that because I am that kind of person. However, I do not enjoy his company. I think we are still together and will get married just because society (in general) and our parents (in particular) know about our relationship. According to my friends, I need to trade up to a better guy. Am confused...

Sunita

Dear Sunita,

You can't flip-flop over what you want in a man. Either you want to be with this guy or you don't. Don't go by what friends feel about him. They don't have to be married to him. Only you know whether you should wait it out till the right man comes along. I think it would be cruel to break this to him outright but it needs to be done. And better now than never. Keeping up appearances will not help matters. Think hard about what it is you want him to do for you to make you happy.

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