I am 33, have an 18-year-old friend. We share our problems and speak over the phone occasionally. I tell her about her positive traits (smile, voice, looks, etc.) and give her chocolates and small gifts
Dear Diana,
I am 33, have an 18-year-old friend. We share our problems and speak over the phone occasionally. I tell her about her positive traits (smile, voice, looks, etc.) and give her chocolates and small gifts. But whenever I ask her to mention positive qualities about me, she only laughs or says "I'll think and tell you." What really troubles me is that we know each other for almost a year now and yet she says "I'll think and tell" whereas she has been very spontaneous in mentioning the good qualities of guys she has rarely met. These things hurt me but I do not express it. In fact, she has compared me to other guys quite often. I have been very caring and concerned towards her but I don't see her reciprocating it in the manner that I would like to. She did not even bother to remember my birthday. Is it worth having a friend like this, who is vacillating, not seeing any good in me, and only expects me to shower positive comments on her. What is going on in her mind? Is she genuine or not?
XYZ
Dear Friend,
There's a 15-year age difference between the two of you. Any move on your part to be more friendly than required will be frowned upon. I'm not saying such relationships don't work out. Just that when they do, it's a two-way street. She obviously doesn't want to even want to say something nice about you. Why do you even want to be friends with such a person. If you're friends with someone, you do not need time to think up reasons why you like them. Also, tell her that you hate that she compares you to other guys when you have been nothing but good to her. When she can't be bothered with remembering your birthday, that says an awful lot about the way she's treating you. Don't be friends with such a person.
Told her I loved her but she didn't care
Dear Diana,
I've been in love with this girl for five years now and she doesn't even care for me. I'm 18, she's 16. I told her I loved her around eight months back but she turned me down. She knows I've been in love with her for five years. Her friends say she doesn't want a relationship. I'm heartbroken. What can I do to make her change?
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Manjunath
Dear Manjunath,
Can't you respect the fact that she's only 16 and is quite clear that she doesn't want a relationship right now? Not with you or anyone else for that matter. Ask her if you stand a chance at all. If her reply is in the negative, don't bother waiting. If she says she might think of being in a relationship in the future, tell her that you are prepared to wait. Where you have waited five years, what is a couple more?
Want to be sure of her feelings for me
Dear Diana,
I am 17. There's a good looking girl in my college. She has given me signals that she feels something for me (she turned and looked at me a couple of times). She has made me crazy about her. I can't stop myself from imagining about her. There's another guy she is friendly with and some of my friends say that he, too, is in love with her. I don't talk to this girl much and don't have the guts to approach her. How can I be sure that she feels something for me?
Name withheld
Dear Friend,
A girl turning to look at you (glancing sideways) is not an indication that she "has feelings for" you. If you really want to know that she does, go up to her and ask her out. Tell her you like her and would like to date her and try to get to know her better. Be confident. If you cannot, half the battle is already lost. If there's another guy in the picture and he's more confident than you are, well that's even more cause for worry. Maybe she does like you back but doesn't want to say it first. Man up and tell her what you need to.
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