Recently, I was looking for some papers when I found a four-CD pack suspiciously hidden in my wife's cupboard. My curiosity got the better of me and I checked them out
Dear Diana,
Recently, I was looking for some papers when I found a four-CD pack suspiciously hidden in my wife's cupboard. My curiosity got the better of me and I checked them out. To my utter shock, they were sex-tapes of my wife with her exes.They seem to have been made during her time with them. I knew my wife for a year before we got married and we both knew that we were physical with our exes. But why in the living hell would she make tapes about it and to top it, keep them? I want to confront her about them, but I honestly have no strength in me to do it. How do I do it? It's a lose-lose situation for me. If I confront her and our marriage crumbles, everyone will knowu00a0 the reason and laugh at me. This has made me deeply sad and I am no longer able to concentrate at my job or my life. I put up this fake calm around me, but I think I am heading towards depression. I know for a fact that certain guys indulge in such behaviour. But I was unaware that women do to. Or is there something more to it? Even if she tells me that she is like those guys who collect tapes and it means nothing now, should I believe her? Can women be like that?
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Name withheld
Dear Friend,
If this secret were never outed, you would have been none the wiser for it. And it really wouldn't have made a difference to your mental state. But you have made a discovery. This is something she has kept from you and you need to confront her about this. This may well have been in the past but you need to know why she felt the need to hold on to those "memories". Couldn't she simply have destroyed the "evidence"? The questions you raise are pertinent but you will never get the answers you seek unless you ask for them. And as far as being worried about being made the laughing stock, this will only happen if you tell anyone. Deal with it, ask her what you need to and decide after that.
Her 'confusion' confuses me
Dear Diana,
I've known her two years and have even asked for her hand in marriage but she has told me she is confused. A few months later, when my parents were looking for a suitable match for me, she told me to give her more time. She then told me she realised she had feelings for me. So I asked her to tell her parents about me. She recently told me she saw her dad crying, so she postponed breaking the news to him. What's going on here? In any case, I have told her to forget everything that has happened and to tell me what she wants. Do you think I did the right thing?
Hemant
Dear Hemant,
Why was she confused in the first place. You proposed marriage and were crystal-clear about your feelings for her. You later say that you would well have got married to someone else through an arranged marriage but she insisted that you wait. If that was the case, why wait this long to revealu00a0-- in the very leastu00a0-- you existence to her parents? Whether they say yes to the match or not, she should have informed them about you. Also, you don't say if she told you the reason why her father was crying. Is it a personal or financial matter that troubles him? You did the right thing. She has to have a heart-to-heart talk with you to help you chart out your further course of action.
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