Can a bad boyfriend turn around and become a good boyfriend? What would have to happen for this change to occur?
Dear Diana,
Can a bad boyfriend turn around and become a good boyfriend? What would have to happen for this change to occur? I dated this guy for two years, he is 25 (I'm 21), and we broke up a couple times and always ended up getting back together. He is very immature in that he drinks/parties a fair bit, and the biggest issue is that he has cheated on me multiple times (all while "drunk"). 
And so, I am dead against his drinking lifestyle. Heu00a0 told me that he was living life his own way and we broke up. Now he claims to be ready for a real relationship, but I am very sceptical. I guess I'm afraid that he'll cheat on me again. Is there even hope for this man? I do love him and want it to work, but not at my expense again. I am also afraid that building trust again would be extremely difficult. Is there anything that he/we could do (ie: counselling, couples therapy) to make this work or is it a lost cause?
Name withheld on request
Dear Friend,
It's kinda difficult for a cheat to turn over new leaf. And I do agree, trusting him is out of the question. Using being drunk as an excuse is no excuse at all. I would suggest avoiding him a while longer. If he's serious about being a one-woman guy this time around (drinks or no drinks) and about being with you, he will persist in pursuing you.
If and when that happens, you might want to give him an ultimatum: either he chooses to philander or he chooses you. He has to give one up. If you do want to give this another shot nilly-willy, remember to keep your defenses up and expect the worst this time as well.
I lose interest in girls who play hard to get
Dear Diana,
I am an 18-year-old guy. And I might have a problem. If I like a girl, and I tell her about how I feel, I want her to say 'YES' instantly to a relationship. Iu00a0 lose interest when she decides to play hard to get. Is that normal?
Mario
Dear Mario,
Wanting an instant 'Yes' isn't normal. A healthy relationship is built over a sustained period of time. There is getting to know each other, exploring compatibility, and then building trust. What you interpret as hard-to-get is just a girl guarding herself before involvement.
He wants to hang on to his 'good memories'
Dear Diana,
Seven months ago, I found cards and photos in my boyfriend's room. They were from his ex. I asked him whyu00a0 he kept them and he said "They are good memories." This hurt a lot but he eventuallyu00a0 threw them away. He said he did it because he didn't want to lose me. Au00a0 week ago, I found two cards from her. He says he must have overlooked them. I accepted his explanation but later got thinking how that was possible whenu00a0 all the cards and stuff were in one box. So obviously he is lying and he actually took them out of the box and kept them. I don't know what to think!
Leela
Dear Leela,
You are making too much of this. So what if he kept a card or two. He threw most of them away. And by getting rid of it, you are not deleting his past. Maybe it was not all in one box, and he is being truthful. Or perhaps he had sepcial emotion attached to those two cards, and saved them. Whatever the case, I think you shouldn't be making such a big deal out of this.u00a0 Ease up about the letters as they're from his past. Even if he throws out them out, he's still had past girlfriends. They're still going to be in his memory forever. And forcing him to throw out letters will just make him resent you.
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