Her lady bits are on strike: Misconceptions about female pleasure men must know

Pratkisha Shah 34 is caught up in a bedchamber quandary In a discrete conversation with Midday she reveals ldquoMy husbandrsquos idea of how a woman finishes is skewed It sprouts from watching adult films which are anything but misleading as thatrsquos not how it unfolds in realityrdquoShah is not completely wrong in her claims Navigating intimacy in a relationship can sometimes be challenging especially when it comes to aligning expectations with real experiences While her husbands misplaced notions about female pleasure are impacting their intimacy there are deeper complexities than what meets the eyeLeeza Mangaldas sexuality educator and author of The Sex Book states Whether its teachers or families the discussion around female pleasure is missing or is aimed at discouraging women from striving for it More so the society attaches shame and judgment to it and rarely highlights the enjoyable aspects of the experienceDo the ladies and their partners relate to this If yes fret not as female sexuality is a subject that is widely misunderstood To clear the air around this Middaycom spoke to sex experts who break down how female arousal desire autonomy pleasure and orgasm work Additionally they share tools for men to break myths attached to female pleasure for better intimacyCommon misconceptions around womenrsquos pleasureDespite Shahrsquos genuine appreciation for the intimacy they share there are moments of discomfort such as during nonpenetrative stimulation which she found similar to undergoing a pap smear test ldquoWhile I do love our physical connection Ive never experienced orgasm during our encounters Additionally my attempts to initiate intimacy have been met with discouragement as he thinks that his efforts are futile since I dont climaxrdquo mumbles ShahMen may abandon their efforts to satisfy their female partners for various reasons It could stem from a lack of understanding about their partners desires Performance anxiety or a fear of not meeting expectations might also play a roleAdditionally societal pressures and unrealistic expectations around masculinity can create stress hindering the ability to focus on mutual pleasure Sexologist and relationship expert ndash Dr Pavana S from Vidyaranyapura Bengaluru breaks common misconceptions about womenrsquos pleasureAll women orgasm the same wayData suggests that preferences desires and what brings pleasure can vary significantly from one woman to the next However many men mistakenly assume that all women derive pleasure in the same manner and thus do little to change their approach This misconception often leads to mundane routines with unmet expectations and misunderstandings ultimately leading to dissatisfactionHer lubrication is equivalent to male arousalThe misconception that vaginal lubrication is analogous to an erection creates a misleading belief that if women are sexually aroused their vagina will lubricate However this stands incorrect The occurrence of lubrication is subject to a phenomenon known as nonconcordance where arousal and physical responses may not alignIts crucial to dispel this myth Critically some men may dismissively assert that their female partners dont understand their own bodies citing dryness despite reported arousal It is essential to prioritise a womans subjective experience and communicate openly in order to develop a better understanding of her arousalWomen should orgasm from penetrationThe idea that women should consistently achieve orgasm through penetration alone is another common misconception In reality over 70 per cent of women do not reliably orgasm through penetrative sex and this is entirely healthy and normalThe clitoris comparable to the penis in males is a highly sensitive organ that becomes engorged with blood during sexual arousal It extends internally into the vagina For most women achieving orgasm typically involves some degree of clitoral stimulation Understanding and acknowledging the need for varied forms of stimulation can contribute to a more inclusive perspective on womens sexual experiencesWomen can achieve pleasure quicklyInstant gratification can contribute to a missing focus on female pleasure The belief that female pleasure can be quickly or easily attained is a common fallacy that overlooks the nuanced and individualised aspects of womens sexual experiencesIn reality achieving female pleasure often demands time open communication and a profound understanding of individual needs The emphasis on quick satisfaction may lead to a neglect of the diverse ways in which women experience pleasure hindering the potential for a more fulfilling and mutually satisfying experienceOrgasmcentric focusThe obsession with achieving orgasm as the sole benchmark of female pleasure perpetuates a narrow perspective that can lead to a dissatisfying sexual experience This misconception overlooks the multifaceted nature of womens sexual pleasure implying that fulfillment is solely contingent on climaxIn reality women derive satisfaction from diverse aspects of intimacy including emotional connection communication and various forms of stimulation An orgasmcentric focus may create performance pressure anxiety and feelings of inadequacy for both partners overshadowing the broader spectrum of enjoyable and meaningful elements within a sexual encounterWomen fake their orgasms sometimes herersquos whyA common observation in experts practice is how little awareness women have about their own pelvic anatomy and erogenous zones This often leads to a gap in expectations as women are unable to articulate their desires because of which men might fail to navigate the intimate conundrumKritika Khatri 24 shares why she resorts to faking orgasms ldquoThe thing is I hate to make people feel bad Like theyre doing something wrong when likely its an issue with me So Ive just faked my orgasms every single time I have ever been with someonerdquoMumbaibased relationship coach Anjali Tyagi informs that one common motivation to fake orgasms is the desire to spare their partners feelings Women may worry about their partner feeling inadequate or responsible for their inability to climax even if the issue is not related to their partners performanceThe overbearing expectation that sexual encounters should culminate in orgasm can also contribute to this phenomenon leading women to simulate pleasure to align with perceived norms Additionally some women may fake orgasms due to a lack of understanding about their own desires or discomfort in expressing their needs choosing to prioritise their partners feelings over their own satisfactionCommunication barriers around sexual topics fear of judgment and societal pressures to conform to unrealistic expectations contribute to the prevalence of faking orgasms The reluctance to openly discuss preferences and address concerns can also lead to a cycle of dissatisfactionTyagi opines that women need to be empowered by educating them about lsquowhatrsquos whatrsquo down there Although biology books and Google images of a vulva may help despite that many women find this hard to relate to and canrsquot identify all of the parts of the vulva on themselvesTools for men to navigate female pleasurePrioritise communication and active listeningOpen and honest communication is the cornerstone of any satisfying intimate relationship Experts opine that imitating conversations about desires fantasies and boundaries can help bridge the gap Encourage your partner to share her thoughts by asking about her preferences and understanding her needs Also pay attention not only to what she says but also to nonverbal cues during intimate momentsUnderstand the complexity of female anatomyTake the time to educate yourself about the intricacies of female anatomy Recognise that pleasure is not limited to one specific area it involves a combination of physical and emotional factors Understand the role of the clitoris and play various tempos to land on the one that sits well with her Pay attention to her responses and how she reacts to different styles of touchesExtend the foreplayIt cannot be stressed enough that foreplay is a crucial component of female pleasure Rather than rushing towards the showdown prioritise extended periods of foreplay This can be done by engaging in a variety of sensual activities to build anticipation and enhance arousal This not only heightens physical pleasure but also strengthens the emotional connectionShift the focus from orgasm to overall pleasureMove away from an orgasmcentric mindset While orgasms can be enjoyable emphasising overall pleasure and connection can lead to a more satisfying experience for both partners Understand that womens satisfaction extends beyond achieving climax and encompasses the entire intimate journeyBe attentive to emotional connectionRecognise the importance of emotional connection in fostering female pleasure A strong emotional bond contributes to a sense of security and comfort creating an environment where both partners can freely express themselves Prioritise emotional intimacy alongside physical connection for a more fulfilling experienceResources on sex educationBooksCome as You Are by Emily NagoskiShe Comes First by Ian Kerner5 Love Language by Gary ChapmanOnline Platforms Scarleteen OMGYes and BetterHelp for relationship counsellingShared by Dr Pavana S