Experts on how a toxic environment at home impacts mental health and self-worth

As far as celebrity relationships and divorces go few have been as publicly tumultuous as that of actors Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards While Richards has openly spoken about the toxic nature of her relationship with Sheen more recently their daughter Sami opened up about the toll that living in a toxic household was taking on her mental wellbeing In a TikTok video the 17yearold spoke of feeling depressed and trapped ldquoToxic familial relationships are essentially of two types mdash those that affect you directly where the individual in question is being confrontational passiveaggressive or otherwise negative towards you or is being physically emotionally or financially abusive Then there are those where the individual without intending to is indirectly toxic towards you due to their own mental health issues In either case their presence takes a toll your mental healthrdquo explains Dr Nahid Dave a psychiatrist at Thought Matters Trishla RaneShe adds that in such circumstances most people resort to a selfdefeating pattern of thinking where they believe that they deserve the toxic behaviour or are helpless against it And so many people refrain from getting the help they need ldquoOften people will procrastinate to get help by setting future goals for themselves mdash they believe that moving out or getting a job will eventually improve the situation In dependent relationships the situation becomes especially complicated as they cannot escape the toxic physical environmentrdquo she says Sami SheenWhy it hurtsThe most damaging impact of toxic relationships is the toll they take on your selfworth It is very important to recognise that the situation is happening to you and that it does not define you says Dr Dave ldquoIf you feel extremely hopeless and helpless to the extent that your productivity and future plans are affected it may be time to seek help While depression is a common outcome it may not manifest in typical ways such as crying or being nonproductive The ability to trust others can also be compromised especially if yoursquove been let down by someone who is close to yourdquoDr S MundadaTrishla Rane 32 a media professional shares that the abrupt change in the behaviour of her paternal grandmother and uncles after the demise of her father took her by surprise ldquoMy father had always thought of them as being our guardians should anything happen to him However from refusing to participate in his last rites to actively antagonising us over property matters they completely betrayed the trust we had placed in themrdquo she adds This turn of events left her deeply shocked and depressed and despite seeking therapy she says that her ability to trust others has been shaken ever since ldquoIf your own family can betray you there isnrsquot very much you can expect from the wider worldrdquo she lamentsDr Nahid DaveDrawing the lineIf you are in a dependent relationship with the toxic individual or as was often seen during the lockdown your relationship with a family member has become toxic Dr Sagar Mundada a psychiatrist at Health Spring proposes the following steps Find an ally Seek a family member who is empathetic to you and explain what you are experiencing They can be your support systemSet clear boundaries Define what is acceptable and what is not Be assertive to ensure that your boundaries are not underminedEngage in dialogue Refrain from engaging in arguments or issuing ultimatums Take time to cool down if necessary before explaining to the person responsible what part of their behaviour is bothering you Suggest ways to resolve it Schedule metime Temporarily escaping the toxicity can give you the resilience to cope with it Make some time every day to pursue activities that you truly enjoyIf you do not feel heard at home Dr Dave advises seeking support in online forums or among your friends ldquoIf nothing else works curtail your involvement with the toxic individuals mdash you can limit interactions to certain parts of your everyday life or only to festivals depending on your comfort levels If any form of contact with them causes anger or anxiety reconsider the scope of your association Understand that if living with toxic family members is making you toxic your coping mechanisms arenrsquot healthyrdquo cautions Dr DaveLearning to let goMy mother and brother have always been extremely negative controlling and critical of me and my life choices Over the years the situation worsened to the point that I began to believe that no matter how hard I tried it would never be enough Engaging with them was always a source of anxiety and I wanted to be my best self for the sake of my young daughter Although as a single mother I missed having a support system I couldnrsquot lean on people who were affecting my mental wellbeing I made the decision to move physically away from them and have now cut them off entirely Instead I have a close circle of friends who I lean on But I take pride in my independence which has also rubbed off on my daughter Sara Ritu Gorai 39 entrepreneur