How Mumbai parents are indulging in 'unstructured' birthday parties for children

Childhood is the closest any human comes to experiencing true freedom Sadly most of us realise it too late in life The freedom to explore the neighbourhood play for hours under the sun or rain and just gorge on anything you could eat was a common feature of this writerrsquos younger days Yet as children today grow up facing a set daily schedule from the time of their waking to dinner such freedom seems rareArpita MukherjeeRecently the founder of Past Perfect Heritage Management Sanghamitra Chatterjee spoke about the plan of hosting an lsquounstructuredrsquo birthday party for her son Growing in trend among many parents and children an unstructured birthday party involves children planning their own routines activities deacutecor and even food for their special day Experts suggest this could possibly be a good way to initiate children to accountability and encourage their creativityListen to their voiceFor Arpita Mukherjee 35 mother to a twoyearold and a fouryearold it was always about the children ldquoOur generation grew up often hesitating to ask something from our parents I did not want my children to have thatrdquo she notes This year she let her children make the choice of visiting the zoo to see their favourite animals on her daughterrsquos birthday ldquoWe order for just a small cake and cut it there It was a small celebration and about what they wanted to dordquo she remarksShereenrsquos fiveyearold daughter and her friends enjoy the spa partyIn such cases parents become facilitators rather than providers Sachin Shanbhag 46 vice president insights and visualization Tata AIG is just stepping out from his 11yearold sonrsquos ongoing sleepover a prebirthday tradition ldquoOn the weekend before their daughter and son birthday they invite a few of their closest friends on a sleepover They decide the activities the number of their friends and the dinner menu We simply help them out with the logisticsrdquo he explainsDeeksha Shereen 32 a senior manager at a media company believes the same ldquoI remember on my daughterrsquos first birthday we decided to go big It soon struck us that our intention of celebrating her birthday grandly was overwhelming for her So we decided to change itrdquo she recalls This year her fiveyearold daughter wished for a spa party with her little friends and the mother was only happy to obligeTejashri AcharyaCreative freedomShereen continues ldquoMy daughter and her friends often playat tea parties So last year she asked for a tea party deacutecor I sat down with her and offered the suggestion of hosting an English tea partyrdquo she says These moments of creativity can emerge from planning the deacutecor to even designing invites Shanbhag says ldquoMy son is a huge fan of the videogame Roblox so he sat down and designed a personalised Roblox invite for his friends this year He chose the photo of Lionel Messi for his cakerdquoDeeksha ShereenMahek Jain founder of birthday planning venture Justlittlethingsss shares ldquoOften when the parent plans a routine the focus is more on the food the deacutecor and other elements For the children it is almost always about what they have to play and how much more fun they can have They can be extremely creative with their ideas and come up with games and design suggestionsrdquoLearning independenceSuch little decisions allow the children to grow responsible and take control ldquoI see it as a positive sign that they are getting ready for the real worldrdquo says Shanbhag Mukherjee believes that giving children an open forum to share their needs and wants can lead to better communication in the futureA birthday celebration organised by JainFreedom within boundariesYet there are set boundaries Shanbhagrsquos kids understand that an evening dinner with the family on the special day is a nonnegotiable Similarly Shereen maintains that there needs to be a balance ldquoA routine helps the child understand discipline But their playtime has to be unstructured From getting messy to colouring outside the lines I allow her to explore that time as she wishesrdquoShanbhag with his familyParenting counsellor Tejashri Acharya points out that routines and structure are not entirely bad ldquoUnstructured time and freedom also depend on the age group of the child Parents tend to start kids on an early schedule of waking up school time and study But from the beginning there has to be some section of the day that is a free giftrdquoMahek JainFor instance children at the age of five years need to have at least two hours in the day where they can function independently ldquoThis is so that we do not impose a corporate life on them But you do want the child to understand that there are certain things we do at certain points of the dayrdquo she explainsA tea partythemed birthday celebrationWhile it is all well and good to coax children to gradually take up responsibilities Acharya reminds ldquoTeaching children about responsibility isnrsquot easy It can take several years and lots of practicerdquo On the way it is important for them to not forget how to have fun