A recent Alcoholics Anonymous meeting saw law enforcement officers, a psychiatrist and alcoholics do some stomach-churning straight talk about drinking
A recent Alcoholics Anonymous meeting saw law enforcement officers, a psychiatrist and alcoholics do some stomach-churning straight talk about drinking
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By its definition, Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) demands anonymity. Several people in this piece cannot be identified or named because of obvious reasons but their stories are refreshing in their candour and bring home a universal truth speaking, like writing is most effective when it comes straight from the heart.
Disease
Straight from the heart it was at a recent AA meet held in Thane (W), where NKT College played host to Aanganwadi workers, (an anganwadi worker is a health worker chosen from the local community in charge of an area called an anganwadi which covers a population of approximately 1000), activists, AA members and officials, for a three-hour seminar on different aspects of alcoholism, always keeping in mind the adage that AA's entire philosophy is based on: alcoholism is not a shame, it is a disease.
Stigma
An important component of the AA program was the presence of Al-Anon members. Al-Anon is a support group for families and friends of alcoholics, who are troubled by the drinking of a family member or friend. Its headquarters are in Kolkata, "but we are planning to shift our head office to Mumbai very soon," said an Al-Anon representative.
Al-Anon members preferred anonymity telling this writer before the program formally began that they too needed to hide their identity like alcoholics themselves, "because one is immediately socially stigmatised when one admits there is an alcoholic in the family."
The first step towards becoming a member of Al-Anon is being able to admit that a family member or a friend is an alcoholic. Like alcoholics themselves are often in denial about their problem, friends and kin too find it hard to admit that somebody close to them is an alcoholic.
Said a woman who has been part of the Al-Anon group for a few years now, "Al-Anon teaches us that the alcoholic is a sick person, the hatred, loathing and revulsion can be changed to love, compassion and understanding."
One lady added, "Alcoholics can be from any economic class or background. Sometimes, the rich can camouflage it better. Yet, it is the same. One drinks and falls into the gutter, the other, drinks and falls on the bed at home."
Transfixed
People were transfixed through a speech as the meeting formally began with a candid account by an AA member. Let's call him Bhuval (not his real name as the anonymity condition holds), who gave a first person account of his alcohol addiction and how he was weaned away from drink after he discovered AA.
Bhuval began by saying, "I come from a middle-class, Brahmin, well-educated family. I never felt any kind of void in my life not materialistically or emotionally. It was at picnics and parties that I encountered alcohol. At first, I drank with friends.
I did not really like it. Soon, though, I realised that drink made me feel fresh and confident. It is often perceived that an alcoholic is useless, he is mad or even a wicked person. I think I was none of those. Soon though, the bottle and I were inseparable. I started enjoying it. There was no tonic like alcohol."
Corporate
Here, Bhuval stopped for a breath but the crowded hall waited rapt, for him to go on. The speaker, clad in formal attire with a grey silk tie could have been lecturing a class on corporate leadership.
Instead he was talking about, "alcohol, which had taken over my life. My body got used to the copious amounts I used to drink. Soon, I started needing even more drink.
On the surface, I was a Juhu resident, working in a good company, I had married the love of my life but little did people know that because of alcohol, my life was falling apart. Slowly my friends left me, I started receiving warning notices at my workplace, my parents and wife begged me to stay off the bottle at 28 years I was unable to look at myself in the mirror."
Ghazals
When Bhuval finally met a psychiatrist, the doc said, "You are not mad or wicked, you are not the first to feel this way, you are ill." Bhuval then sought a cure for his 'illness'. He took the help of AA more than a decade ago.
"I stopped drinking thanks to AA and since then, I have not found the need to drink," he ended. Dr Ashish Deshpande, psychiatrist and AA member, spoke about de-addiction and working with alcoholics saying, "I learnt about alcohol in college. I heard ghazals with lines like, "tujhe shola kahun, tujhe shabnam kahun" (here the listeners were amused) then I realised what is shola, what is shabnam.
It was while studying at KEM at the de-addiction centre that I learnt this 'shabnam' can make ashes of your life." Dr Deshpande then addressed Bhuval directly saying, "I know Bhuval might hope to forget those years of his life, yet, he cannot forget. AA gives him the strength to say he has made a mistake and needs to accept it. Alcohol plays games with a person.
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The receptors in the mind of a person change slowly to accept this alcohol. Alcohol requests permission to enter the brain and the nerves come alive. When alcohol controls your life then you are an alcoholic a sick person."
Honeymoon
Bhuval, who was also co-coordinating the seminar, introduced another AA member one can call him Parvesh, a professional, who described how alcohol decimated his life. He said, "I come from a middle class, religious family, with no history of alcohol.
Yet, I could not control my drinking. Everyday, my father made me promise him: that I would not drink like crazy. I would make that promise in the morning only to break it by evening. I knew my father would not throw me out of the house, despite threats to do so, because my mother loved me, she would cry and believe me when I promised to give up.
Then, I got married and went on my honeymoon to Bangalore, Mysore, and Ooty but there too I hit the bottle with a vengeance. My wife, a smart, contemporary woman warned me, I will leave you if you continue drinking like this."
Honeymoon over, the couple returned to Mumbai but Parvesh's love affair with alcohol continued. Things came to a head once at night, Parvesh said, "When I crept into my home late at night, as usual intoxicated, hoping to avoid a confrontation.
The lights were on, my parents and my wife were sitting in the living room. There was a sepulchral silence. My wife asked my parents: 'when you knew your son was an alcoholic, why did you get him married to me? Why did you spoil my life?' They hung their heads in shame. Yet, I was beyond caring at that time. I thought to myself, Good. My wife is leaving me. Now, I am free to drink."
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Finally, Parvesh sought the help of AA, which tells you to accept defeat when confronted with alcohol, teaches you to admit that you are helpless in front of the bottle. Today, Parvesh is reformed but has regrets about how his habit had destroyed his family's soul. He says, "My parents are no more. I wish they could have seen me kick the habit. I am trying to be a good husband and make up for all the years of pain to my wife."
Stifle
Through Parvesh's story we learnt that not just the alcoholic, but also an entire family goes to pieces when a family member becomes a slave of, 'shola' or 'shabnam' as those ghazal singers eulogised it. Al-Anon, organisation that helps family and friends affected by an alcoholic, had its members give some moving accounts.
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Al-Anon member, Prakriti (again, no real names) gave a perspective about those whose lives become dark watching their loved one becoming an alcoholic. Prakriti spoke, no holds barred in front of an audience who drank in every word thirstily. She said, "I knew my husband drank before marriage, but I thought that was stylish, very fashionable in fact.
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It was after marriage, I realised how much he drank. Then I gave him threats, suicide, thought of murder, and went on fasts. Then, I thought to myself, if I cannot stop him from drinking, I could control it, at least. I was ashamed that outsiders would see him drink so I built a bar at home, light ghazal music would play. But my husband drank both outside and inside."
Prakriti's mental and physical health deteriorated, "since 24 hours I would think about how I could make him drink less today." Prakriti says that like her health, the relationship suffered, "we reached divorce point. I lost my self-confidence and was scared to face society." Through Al-Anon, she says, "all that negative thinking vanished. I realised that he is an ill man. I regained control of my life."
Divorce
For Nidhi, an older Al-Anon member, the organisation, "was like magic after 25 years of suffering." She said, "I used to think my life was over after my husband became an alcoholic. People advised me to divorce him since my children were grown up.
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I joined Al-Anon and learnt that I was not the only one. There were many people like me, women who had divorced their husbands and even some who had re-married the same men. Al-Anon taught me you must not hate the person but you must hate the alcohol.
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I had to look at the better side of this person and re-build my life. Today, I have so much confidence, I have learnt to drive at 50 and have my own business which is doing well."
Leveller
Dr Ashish Deshpande, who was called on then to give the history of alcohol put it in the historical context but when he spoke about its use in contemporary Indian society, one saw that in a twisted way, drink has become the great leveller in our society. "Differences are melting when it comes to alcohol. The educated drink, the illiterate drink. More women are drinking harder than ever. Slowly, this alcohol is seeping even deeper into our society," he said.
Ramifications
Alcohol is not just a social or personal problem but it has huge ramifications in law and order too. Dr S T Ramesh, the Director General (DG) and Inspector General of Police (IGP) Karnataka, spoke about the link between alcohol and crime against women saying a number of domestic violence cases, stemmed from drinking.
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"We have so many examples of people committing crimes under the influence of alcohol because alcohol blunts your inhibitions and your sense of shame. There is a very close relationship between drinking and crime." The top officer created a stir when he said, "Even amongst the police, there are alcoholics.
I recommend AA because I think it is a miracle."u00a0 Meanwhile, K P Raghuvanshi, Thane Police Commissioner, questioned, "Why wait till a person reaches the stage where they need to take the help of AA? We must work with voluntary organisations to stop people before they reach that juncture.
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It may be okay to consume alcohol in a very small quantity. The danger lies when alcohol starts consuming you," ended the commissioner to applause.
With these insights, from the afflicted and the experts, the curtain fell on a three-hour meet which proved that first one must conquer the ego (admit that the bottle can bring you to your knees) and only then can one conquer alcohol.
Family and friends
Al-Anon, the worldwide fellowship that offers a program of recovery for the families and friends of alcoholics says that in Al-Anon one can learn
Not to suffer because of the actions or reactions of other people.
Not to allow ourselves to be used or abused by others in the interest of another's recovery.
Not to do for others what they can do for themselves.
Not to manipulate situations so others will eat, go to bed, get up, pay bills, not drink, or behave as we see fit.
Not to cover up for another's mistakes or misdeeds.
If you think somebody else's drinking troubles you, Al-Anon may be for you. Go to: www.alanonindia.org or email: alanonindiabiz@yahoogroups.com for help.u00a0
Defining Alcoholism
The Committee on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence of the American Medical Association defines alcoholism as an illness in which there is preoccupation with alcohol and loss of control over its consumption, as a type of drug dependence that can harm a persons' health and interfere with his ability to work and get along with other people. The alcoholic usually drinks heavily and gets drunk often. Quantity and frequency, however, is only one sign. Although some alcoholics actually drink less than some social drinkers, this does not change their basic condition nor make it less serious. The key factor is loss of control and craving for the drug, alcohol.
Red flags
Just some questions that AA asks so that people can gauge whether they are alcoholics. A 'yes' to one or more of these questions does not automatically mean you are an alcoholic but should raise some red flags. It may be time to introspect.
Do you drink because you are shy of other people?u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0
Is drinking affecting your reputation?
Do you crave for a drink at a definite time daily?
Do you drink alone?
Is drinking affecting your reputation?
Do you drink to build your self-
confidence?
Have you ever been in a hospital or institution on account of drinking?
(Used by Johns Hopkins University, USA)
Is it a disgrace to be an alcoholic?
No, it is not a disgrace. Alcoholism does not necessarily imply that the victim is a moral degenerate. Once alcoholism has set in there is nothing morally wrong about it. Will power is not involved because the victim has lost his power of choice over alcohol. The important thing is to face the facts of one's illness and to take advantage of the help available.
Learn more about Alcoholics Anonymous at the website
www.aagsoindia.org
There is also a help line no:
Thane: 09821234577
Mumbai: 022 3016767
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