I feel so good I swallow it whole.
I feel so good I swallow it whole.
I feel so dead I walk around smiling.
I feel so alive I jump above the hoop.
I feel so inadequate I read the dictionary.
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The story...
One rainy night 7 friends got together and spokeu00e2u0080u00a6 not of Bollywood, not of girlfriends, not of boyfriends, not of money, not of career, but of camaraderie and happiness. It was an unusual topic.
We drew chits with our names on them and picked them up in random order. The game was simple. Pretend everyone was dead and speak of the person chosen on his or her funeral.
A game of "eulogy" if you will!
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I am used to hanging out with buffoons who chase girls and buffoons who plan their nights drinking to ensure they pick up these girls. Buffoons who add a notch on their collar for every model conquered and buffoons who fall in lust at the drop of a hat. Buffoons who judge and buffoons who cringe when judged. Yup I know a lot of buffoons! But that's not the point.
Back to the story....
I picked up my chit and smiled. It was him. My ex husband's full-time wife and one of my most favourite persons. I had known him for a very long time and shared some of my darkest secrets with him. "Dhin chak dhin chak!" The dance of words had already begun in my head. "I'll start off by telling him this and then I'll add this... u00a0and then... oh... let me not forget this... oh.. and this..." The script had been written in record time.
It was my turn to take the microphone. The butterflies had starting flittering... I was speechless. Damn it... not me... I had a degree in Public Speaking.
"Uh..ah...uh...Rajiv aka Tonic...uh...hmmmmmmmm.." Pause. "Errrrrrr... you're .." Where were the words?... What happened to the bound script?u00e2u0080u00a6So I did a lame 5 second speech as he stared right at me. I hate it when dead people stare!
"My speech lacked fizz. It was time for me to quit the biz."
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I felt like a buffoon.
Back to the story...
I made up excuses for my performance or lack of. If I had been drunk, I would've nailed it. I would've given the best eulogy speech ever. Being sober sucks!u00e2u0080u00a6
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I was a buffoon.
Back to the story....
It's been 8 months or so since the eulogy game and the ghost of my inability to perform still haunts me. So I stayed up last night and in my most soberest of states came up with a note that I felt he needed to hear. That's the thing about dead peopleu00e2u0080u00a6.they have all the time in the world!
Insert....
My tonic, It took me a couple months to frame this speech. Not because you're not special, not because you're not fantastic, but because you are the male version of me. It took me a few days to ponder, a few days to linger, a few days to open up, and a few days to journey within.
You know, to an ordinary person, you come across as a jerk. But who really cares about that ordinary person anyway. I see the light in your big smile, I see the honesty in your dishonest eyes, I see silver lining in your dyed hair. I see a man on the path of evolution in its truest form. I see a man about to lead a revolution even though it might just be amongst bothered ex-girlfriends. I see a man content. I see a man blissful. You are gone and here I am saying these words you will never hear. Does it really matter? Does it really matter that I didn't say this to you before. You look even more blissful now and your smile extends from one universe to another, you were a man of substance, you were a man of abuse, you were man of genius and you were my muse.
Enjoy the Ride.....
Back to the story....
I have taken out the word "fish" usually following the word "self" and added "less." I have taken out the word "sym" usually preceding the word "pathy" and added "em." I have taken out the word "ex" preceding the word "cuse" and added "re."
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Re-cuse-verb to withdraw from a position of judging so as to avoid any semblance of partiality or bias.(Dictionary.com)
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