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Headline: Man swats Himself to Death
Strap: Byculla Carpenter Tries to Crush Mosquito on His Stomach, Kills himself Instead
Copy: The persistent buzz of a mosquito can get so frustrating sometimes that one is driven to violence. That's what happened yesterday to Sunil Shettigar, a carpenter in Byculla. Shettigar was sitting on a bench waiting for a train at Byculla station when a pesky mosquito started bothering him. He saw it land on his stomach and gave it one mighty blow. He then collapsed in pain, and was rushed to hospital.
Mohsin Ahmed, a fruit-seller at the scene, said: "I was minding my own business when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw this man on the nearby bench hit himself on the stomach. He started shouting in pain, and fell down. I ran to him. He told me, "I was killing mosquito."
Ahmed and another passerby took Shettigar to hospital, but Shettigar was declared dead on arrival. This reporter personally examined his shirt, but it showed no signs of a dead mosquito. Shettigar had died in vain.

'Did you really examine his shirt?' Mohan asked me.
'Yes,' I replied.
'And there was no blood on it?'
'None at all.'
'Did he really tell the fruit-seller he was killing a mosquito?'
'Dude, what's the time?'
'It's 11.40.'
'Yes. We're already past the deadline. Do you want to do fact-checking now or finish the page and go for dinner?'
Mohan sighed. 'Dinner, dinner. Cool. And I like the last line, it's funny. I'm sure Boss will like it.'
'Boss can kiss my buttocks.'
'Boss is coming.'
I turned around. D'Souza was walking towards us.
'You're late again, Abir.'
'Sir, I work hard.'
'You need to work smart.'
'Sir, f*** you.'
Okay, I didn't say that last bit. D'Souza read my copy and was pleased. But it didn't make front page. Front page went to wardrobe malfunction.