Illustration/Ravi Jadhav

For years, every time I've gone to a beauty parlour, yaniki, what fancy folks now call salon, one of the ladies there will ask me in that characteristic beautician tone — yaniki, terrorism masked as concern — "eyebrows nahin karaate ho?" (don't you 'do' — thread and shape — your eyebrows?). Depending on my confidence levels (usually low, an unavoidable side effect of entering a beauty parlour) my 'no' might be uttered with giggling diffidence, false hauteur, or bland deflection. The response of the beauty parlour lady is always the same — "accha?", yaniki, "fine, be that way." It's on your head. Don't come crying to me afterwards. I toh have done my due diligence by asking." Sometimes, feeling a little bold, I would ingratiatingly say, "The natural shape is pretty nice na, so why get into one more jhamela." The beautician will give that sweeping, sarcastic glance at my eyebrows and say, "Haan, vaise toh it's fine", yaniki, pity and disdain, bechari thinks natural is a thing.