Have you seen The Avengers yet? Oh you have. Well that’s okay, but have you seen the new trailer for Spiderman? And what was up with that last episode of 30 Rock? It was good, but not as good as The Arctic Monkeys’ latest album. Which, in turn, really isn’t a patch on that YouTube video of that kid dancing to a Salman Khan song in his underwear. But honestly, the best of the lot is the latest episode of season twelve of House MD. Most of you are thinking “What on earth is he talking about?”, others are thinking “Wait, there’s no season twelve of House MD”, and some of you are thinking “I wish Katrina Kaif came to my house and ate mangoes” but that’s another story for another day.

The problem is those of you who are thinking “there’s no season twelve of House”. You are the problem. And I’m here to say that you’re no longer my problem. I’m laying down my weapons. I quit. I can no longer keep pace with the arms-race that is pop-culture consumption. We lived in a simpler time once, where we had just one channel that showed He-Man, the Mahabharata and Ashok Saraf-Laxmikant Berde movies. You parked yourself in front of that, and the next day, you were ready for pretty much any conversation anyone threw at you. Except for when your teachers asked you things, but they wanted you to be educated and all that unimportant rubbish, so never mind them. I turned out fine without that, Me grammar are just fined.