The anti-critic jots down some critical notes on why not to break New Year resolutions

1 Hit The Gym or else...

>> You'll have a body less like Aamir Khan from Ghajini and more like Rajni from er... Rajni. (Rajni is God, but definitely not Glutes, the God of Gymansium.)u00a0
>> Your partner will finally discover there's nothing sexy about a beer belly, unless you're yellow, a cartoon character and your surname is Simpson.
>> At some point a co-worker will hit you with the idiotic line, "Looks like someone has been working outu00e2u0080u00a6 with a box of rasgullas."

2 Stop smoking or else...

>> Your mouth will end up looking like those "Cautionary Pictures" on foreign cigarette boxes.
>>u00a0 Even SRK will refuse to invite you for his parties (that is if he does invite you in which case I wish you burn like the butt of a Classic Menthol you hip smoker)
>> While flirting with you, women will refer to "Cancer" less as a star sign guess and more as a prediction.

3 Stop drinking or else...

>> You'll greet everyone on 2010 New Years Eve with not only the wrong date, but even the wrong event u00e2u0080u0094 and on a horse with Christmas lights.
>> Your bloated liver shall be donated to a Scottish bagpiper. Seriously, what do you think they make pipes out of? It's bloated livers of people drunk on Scotch.
>> one of the Bhatts will eventually make a movie 'inspired' by your life.

4 Save money or else...

>>u00a0 Your old guitar, that red ganji and your croaky voice may be the investments for your future career: as a minstrel for a seeng channa waala.
>>u00a0 Your growth rate will be 1/7th of the country's i.e. that of the U.S.
>>u00a0 That box of Monopoly money will suddenly seem like your wisest investment.

6 Learn That Something New You've Been Wanting To Learn Since 2002 or else...