Notice the title of this column. It's simple, plain, rude and bold. Any smart pun, a play on words or any sharp sarcasm would have missed the obtuse bankers who work at HSBC, by a mile.

HSBC service stinks

Sure, they're (supposed to be) smart and they know their numbers well and they make lots of money for their bank and for themselves. But have you tried dealing with them?

Just because my second name isn't Tata or Ambani, they behave thick, condescending and patronising as if my chappals (Rajesh Pratap Singh, may I add!) weren't good enough to stain their (mass-produced) tastelessly
expensive carpets.

The phone service executives think they're out of Wharton. Try explaining a problem to them, andu00a0 chances are, things aren't going to get resolved while they try explaining their brilliance to you. I have actually had one of them telling me "If you don't listen to me, I don't want to help you!"

They say their calls are recorded for service levels. Since I haven't got a call back from the bank apologising for the abysmal levels of service on the phone, I am assuming the ruder the phone service executive is, the better?

The boy whom I last spoke to must be currently getting promoted to Phone Service In-Charge or whatever the hot designation for the department is!

Have a problem and mail them at their customer complaint address and all you get is a terse reply telling you in no simple terms "this is how it is, and if you don't like it, sod off!". Not in those words of course ufffd they're rather limited in their vocabulary.

This sounds like the personal rant of somebody who has had a bad bitter experience. And it is. And no, it isn't like this with other banks. Who of course, skim their profits off your money ufffd but who are friendly and polite and actually efficient while they are doing so.

Even the bank that's supposed to be known for its cut-throatedness, Citibank, is extremely polite and gets your stuff done stat. The only time HSBC calls me back, is on a Sunday afternoon, when some downmarket executive from Delhi calls to tell me that I've been approved for balance transfer!

The new advertising campaign for the bank tells you that it prepares you for many roles as diverse as father, father-in-law, doctor, patient and retired executive. One wonders how they could leave out the all-critical ex-customer!

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