'You look like you have put on some weight,' my friend observed, sucking his coke

Journey to the centre of the girth

'You look like you have put on some weight,' my friend observed, sucking his coke.

'Nonsense,' I retorted and turned to the waiter, 'one prawn cocktail sandwich, a lamb quiche, medium fries and a hot chocolate fudge.'

'No, no, it's true! There's the paunch,' my friend said rather pointedly.

'Oh and a fruit beer, thank you,' I handed over the menu to our rather overawed attendant and turned my attention towards my accomplice. 'Now, I would like to inform you that I am at near-perfect weight, in accordance with my height, which is near perfect as well.'

'Oh, I didn't mean anything by it,' he said, crushing the straw. 'I was just making an observation. Don't get all worked up. Besides, who do you have to look good for, right?'

'Why don't you have this sandwich? Who knows, maybe you'll choke,' I said eagerly. I like playing the good host to the hilt.

'You know I never put on any weight,' he was now digging into his pasta. 'I have been 74 for the past 6 years.'
'Really,' I chewed on that.

'Yeah, and I eat everything. I don't even go to a gym; I have this beautiful yoga technique. Here let me show you,' he said, tugging at his shirt.

'Hold on, hold on!' I said in an alarming tone. 'Let's not lose our heads here. Besides I am not done with the fudge.'

'Fine,' he sounded rather dejected. 'But you must try it. It's really great. And as I said, you can eat absolutely anything.'

'You realise that this conversation is turning out to be rather peculiar? When you said you wanted to catch up, this wasn't exactly what I had in mind.'

'Relax! What's the big deal,' he was really attacking the fries now. 'Oh sh*t! Look,' he said sifting through the papers. 'Kids eating mud! That's just terrible dude! We should do something about it. We are journalists after all.'

'Yeah, we should. Maybe you could show them your technique.'

'Right! Let's get out of here,' he got up, gulping down the coke.

'Yeah! It was nice to catch up though, I what's up?' I asked because he had adopted a rather awkward posture.

'Dude, could you get the cheque? I think I need to use the loo.'