I've lived in Mumbai for over two decades, but I spent my teenage years in Delhi. So naturally, I've always liked Gol Gappas over Pani Puri
I've lived in Mumbai for over two decades, but I spent my teenage years in Delhi. So naturally, I've always liked Gol Gappas over Pani Puri. Even the name is more poetic ufffd a round thing you pop in ufffd gapp! My Hindi writer friend assures me it's not connected to gapp-shupp, but I like to entertain the fantasy that the words have a relationship ufffd one jumping out of your mouth, as the other pops in. 
Gol Gappas, according to me are more robust; tart and sharp and cold, like William Carlos Williams' plums. Pani Puri on the other hand seems tepid, timid and a little stingy. It has sprouts ufffd definitely dweeby. Because it's Mumbai, the humidity has usually killed the crispness. Bengali people of course, snort at both versions of this universal snack as they scarf down Puchkas, intractable and mustardy, with a dash of soft potatoes, like a Bangla momma. But I accept that in the matter of chaat, you will always prefer the kind you ate when you were young. And while I advocate mix and match in most aspects of life, I respect the right of chaat to be consumed in its native place.
So I am confused by the MNS's hate for Pani Puri and their resolute upturning of all Pani Puri stalls in Mumbai. I thought they defended all things Mumbai. So did my criticism of Pani Puri have a sound basis all these years? I know they say it's because of the man who peed in his Pani Puri ufffd but then they would have just overturned his stall, right?
No, said my friend. They care about hygiene and our health. Oh, I said. So have they also been doing something about all those malnutrition deaths in Thane? My friend looked uncertain. Why don't you shoot the malnutrition stuff and show them ufffd they'll surely take action then. This seemed like a lot of trouble to me, so I said, what about those fancy SoBo (apparently you can't say Colaba anymore; it sounds too Mumbai and not enough EnWyeCee) restaurants where you can see bandicoots. Yeah, she said, you could shoot those with your phone camera.
But later I realised that will defeat the purpose of the sting operations as many fancy restaurants are owned by fancy people. Sting operations, with exceptions, I've noticed, are preferably used on small time characters. For instance, India TV sent a pretty young girl to pursue Shakti Kapoor, a fairly powerless, fading actor. She made various suggestive offers until he finally said OK, let's do it and I'll try to get you work. Then she told him smile, you are on secret camera. I've been looking for her to ask why she didn't go for a bigger fish who could actually get her a role ufffd a movie director or something. But I guess big fish don't fit into the frames of small cameras. It's just a technical problem.
The rule is that the person with the small camera is usually in the right and gets to shout it out from the settops. Punish the corrupt and all. And till you can get to the big fish, we'll shoot the small ones. On our camera only, baba, what did you think?
What I'm trying to say is ufffd can someone penalise the guy who peed in the Pani Puri and let the others feed those who like Pani Puris? You don't want to punish the big fish who beat up the Pani Puri boys, or hold the BMC accountable, fine, it's on your head. But... if you do, I'll eat a Pani Puri.
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Paromita Vohra is an award-winning Mumbai-based filmmaker, writer and curator working with fiction and non-fiction. Reach her at www.parodevi.com.
The views expressed in this column are the individual's and don't represent those of the paper.
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