The other day at a party a middle-aged socialite married to Mr Money Bags was wearing a string of onions around her neck

Pyaaz tune kya kiya

The other day at a party a middle-aged socialite married to Mr Money Bags was wearing a string of onions around her neck. Obviously, the others in their De Beer and Cartier were eying her with envy. "Fresh from Pakistan, look at their size, rupees 90 a kilo," she bragged reducing the lesser mortals present into tears.

Since the Agriculture Minister declared that the rocketing prices of the plant might take at least three weeks to stabilise, things have gone a little haywire in the country.

According to sources, the intelligence community has started tapping phones of prominent industrialists, ministers, bureaucrats and food critics. Apparently, they are at the verge of raiding lockers of some of the tainted among them who have bundled off bag full of onions. It appears that the blameworthy of the Con Wealth Games also have sack full of the vegetable (besides cash) in their Swiss and Cayman Islands lockers.

Though the government as a last minute resort has suspended export of onions till January 15, airport authorities have been alerted to keep an eye on potential smugglers. Retorting to Uncle Sam's pat down search of our Indian diplomats, our customs officials caught an American red handed, with four red onions hidden in his underwear..err or were there only two. "I simply wanted to make mutton do pyaza back home in Indiana," he pleaded weeping bucket full of tears but the officials wouldn't budge.

Since the PMO is conscious that the humble onion has the capacity to topple governments, it has written to Sharad Pawar demanding an explanation. While he comes up with a worthy answer, others are taking advantage of the situation. Small town dreamers who are from Nashik and other onion cultivating areas that have been affected by the rain are brushing up their general knowledge, their goal: winning Kaun Banega Crorepati season five.

Someone has informed them that the Rs 5 crore jackpot prize will now come with 5 kilos of, you guessed it right: onions. They say even Mr Bachchan has hinted that he would prefer taking back home the vegetable instead of his usual cheque in case they rope him in for the next season.

Finance secretary Ashok Chawla has assured the nation that the custom duty on onion import has been brought down to zero but that doesn't seem to have taken care of the nation's woes. While socialites are
relishing the imported ones, which sells for just Rs 18 a kilo in Pakistan, the aam janta is in a hot soup (minus the onions)!

"Exciting news! Mid-day is now on WhatsApp Channels