The Cantonment crimes

People in Bangalore seem to be getting murdered by the day.

The Cantonment crimes

People in Bangalore seem to be getting murdered by the day. The papers have horrific stories of paramours strangling their lovers. Wives burning their husbands' other wives. Neighbours slitting their neighbours' throats.u00a0

Elderly people getting their heads bashed in. And so on and so gory forth.

All in a madding Bangalorean day, drug dealers merrily pass their stashes through BIA. Terrorists aim their gun cache routes through Bangalore. Land sharks eat up vast swathes of land. And a couple or robberies net their perpetrators a cool crore or so.u00a0

Liquid Larceny: This serious crime includes trying to finish off a beer through underhand means after eleven o clock. (Well, yes if you've noticed top bars are now closing way before the witching hour at 10:45 on the dot just so you can go home and catch the eleven o clock soap on your TV). Getting caught for this white collar dastardly deed could net you a night in prison, a 5000 buck bail - and oh, a moral lecture from the men in khakhi.u00a0

Farmhouse Felony: Get together at a farmhouse with friends, family and a DJ and you could be jailed forever and get a variety of charges slapped on you, including public lewdness, disturbing the peace and obscene behaviour. The next time I go see the sheep at my wife's farm, I do that with a scared look over my shoulder just in case there are any mustachioed men ready to do a paandu pounce on me.u00a0

The Disco Crime: Heavens help anyone caught trying to shake a leg, or even worse, wiggle a hip, at a bar on any given night. As the DJ spins his discs and your legs are shackled by invisible chains to your bar stool, the more exuberant, and the more sozzled spirits in the room have been known to get up, and move in (what they think is) time for the music. Bouncers have been known to swoop down on them for disturbing the moral fabric of society and throw them out by their ears. Records don't show somebody actually getting arrested for dancing but if the last Saturday's farmhouse revelries are anything to go by, I wouldn't try it.u00a0

Well, with so much crime abounding in Bangalore, what does one do to let off steam? Go to a pub and you could get beaten up by the Ram Sene. Go to a farmhouse and you could get arrested. Sit at home and your avenging neighbour could kill you in cold blood.u00a0

It's a tough call but I think I'm moving to Goa at least there you only have to worry about not angering the local Russian Mafioso and whether the prawns have been cooked for lunch.

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