An apple a day does nothing at all

Our parents had a way of messing with our minds Theyrsquod throw proverbs at us Proverbs are pithy sound like wisdom pressed into compact chewable orangeflavoured tablets You can take them entirely at face value Where therersquos a will therersquos a way Yes sir Or No gain without pain You betchaBut proverbs are lethal to thinking minds because they sound like someonersquos thought them through for you and you can just go right ahead and believe them Their crisp authoritativeness switches your mind offLetrsquos say I told you ldquoFruits dear child are full of great immune boosters as well as fibre You should eat lots of bananas papayas pomegranates apples that kind of thingrdquo If you werenrsquot asleep in seconds you might be murmuring something polite and looking for the exitBut if Irsquod said ldquoAn apple a day keeps the doctor awayrdquo yoursquod be in my pocket The apple would become royalty Only one fruit mentioned only one benefit mentioned and it wasnrsquot even fibre No more doctors SoldWell is it true What does science say Irsquom not going to tell you that therersquos anything wrong with eating apples in fact theyrsquore healthy as can be But with hospitals filling up and everyone falling sick I really want to know the bottom line about keeping doctors awayThe original words uttered in Pembrokeshire Wales back in the 1860s were ldquoEat an apple on going to bed and yoursquoll keep the doctor from earning his breadrdquo In 2014 the Journal of the American Medical Association published research into the connection between eating apples and number of physician visits ldquoKeeping the doctor awayrdquo was defined as no more than one selfreported visit to a doctor in a year as well as no overnight hospital stays mental health counselling or prescription medicationsAs many as 753 adult apple eaters were compared with 7646 nonapple eaters Although apple eaters seemed to consume marginally fewer prescription medications both groups kept doctors equally busyAn apple a day kept nothing away In the interests of open enquiry and enlightenment I would like to take the pants off a few other proverbs that we tend to assume are written in stoneLaughter is the best medicine Since wersquove disqualified apples herersquos another contender Got stage4 cancer Start laughing Got an aneurysm that will leave you dead in two hours Start laughing Hurts when you laugh Ummm Laugh some moreHonesty is the best policy I have three words no no and no Of course itrsquos generally easier to tell the truth because lies have a way of needing more lies Soon enough you get all knotted up trying to keep your ducks in a rowBut if your mother is petrified of dying and receives a stage4 cancer diagnosis is honesty the best policy In America where they have books like My Body My Self they may believe your mother has a right to know shersquos dying Trust me the body knows when it is dying Irsquod rather my mother spent her last few days smiling and basking in her childrenrsquos love than agonising about her coming demise Honesty You can keep itDonrsquot judge a book by its cover What else am I supposed to judge a book by In a bookshop all I have is the cover my experience with the authorrsquos previous titles if any and the blurb on the back At a party all I know of a stranger is how they look talk and behave Nobody wears a Tshirt saying ldquoAt Home Irsquom BipolarrdquoEvery dog has its day I have to remind you here that theyrsquore talking about dogs I am not one Neither are the couple of billion people globally who live in utter poverty homeless hungry marginalised oppressed and hopeless believing till their dying breath that every dog has his day This includes half of America and most of IndiaEverything happens for a reason This is commonly told by people to whom nothing bad has ever happened to those who for example lost their parents brothers and sisters to COVID19 or their everything wiped out by a tsunami Itrsquos supposed to help them come to terms with the tragedy ldquoOh therersquos a reason Thatrsquos all right thenrdquoPlease donrsquot ask what that reason is Nobody knows Believing there is some meaningful reason why a husband batters his wife daily or why Myanmar destroyed millions of Rohingya lives or why 6 million Jews had to be gassed to death is supposed to make you believe that God has a plan There is no God And sorry therersquos never been a planHe who hesitates is lost Very well I promise never to hesitate Then the other wise man speaks Haste makes waste child Another says Look before you leapI think Irsquoll just go home and wait They say good things come to those who waitHere viewed from there C Y Gopinath in Bangkok throws unique light and shadows on Mumbai the city that raised him You can reach him at cygopigmailcomSend your feedback to mailbagmiddaycomThe views expressed in this column are the individualrsquos and donrsquot represent those of the paper