<img style="float: left;" src="http://images.mid-day.com/images/images/2022/sep/Rahul-op_e.jpg" alt="Rahul Da Cunha" width="200" height="69" />This morning, I heard a sharp scratching sound on my door, followed by a purr and then an oink.
I opened the door to see a man in a yellow body suit with black spots.&nbsp;
&ldquo;Yes&hellip; uhm&hellip; can I help you?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Arre Dikuna men&hellip; it&rsquo;s me, Thelonious,&rdquo; the cat suited person said.&nbsp;
&ldquo;Lobo Lobo! Why are you dressed in a figure hugging leotard?&rdquo;
&ldquo;I am not a leopard... I am a cheetah.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Not leopard&hellip; I said, leotard, anyway, what is this all about?&rdquo;
&ldquo;I am in a cheetah suit.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Is that what it is? Any reason why, Lobo Lobo?&rdquo;
&ldquo;I would appreciate if you call me Cheetah Man. I came from Virar to Colaba in 30 minutes.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Bit slow considering you are the fastest creature in the world.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Arre Dikuna men, don&rsquo;t ask&hellip; dis is not de Savannah grassland men, it&rsquo;s not Masai Maara, its Malad! I encountered bumper to bumper traffic, den on de sea link, solid restrictions&hellip; can&rsquo;t go faster dan 50 kmph, udderwise dat damn CCTV picks you up&hellip; arrey de average speed of de cheetah is 120 miles per hour so you can imagine how frustrating it is.&rdquo;
&ldquo;But Lobo Lobo&hellip; uhm Cheetah Man, why are you dressed like a resident of Namibia&hellip; were you transported with seven other of your spotted brethren?&rdquo; Cheetah Man&rsquo;s voice went a tad soft.
&ldquo;No men, I&rsquo;ll tell you a secret, to make extra moolah, I have a new side bizness, I have started, &lsquo;Cats R Us&rsquo;&hellip; it is a children&rsquo;s entertainment company. In my cupboard&nbsp; we have suits of leopards, panthers, pumas, stray cats, jaguars, all rented from Maganlal Dresswalla.&rdquo;
&ldquo;What do you do at these parties?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Myrtle and I, and our duffer son Ronaldo create dese teem evenings, so if your child likes lions, we&rsquo;ll call de event, &lsquo;Lion Maroing&rsquo;, we go and roar and all. If de kids want like a wild life sanctuary type party, we will go dressed in cheetah suits, and we&rsquo;ll do tings like magic tricks, and Myrtle will sing hit songs, like &lsquo;Memory&rsquo; etc, dis particular teem evening is called &lsquo;Cheetahs Never Prosper&rsquo;. And if it is a tiger evening, de teem is titled, &lsquo;Shamshera.&rsquo;&rdquo;
&ldquo;I have to ask you, cheetahs have a particular sound they make unlike the other big cats, it isn&rsquo;t a roar&hellip; it&rsquo;s a small sound, a purr&hellip; what came out of your mouth was more like an oink!&rdquo;
Cheetah Man aka Lobo Lobo was a tad embarrassed.
&ldquo;Okay so here&rsquo;s de trut&hellip; if you tell anyone, Dikuna men, I&rsquo;ll hunt you down.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Yeah yeah I get it.&rdquo;
&ldquo;See men sumting happened, last week, oni&hellip; it was my mudder-in law&rsquo;s burrday, so my missus Myrtle made some special poke dishes&mdash;vindaloo, chorizo, sorpotel, roast, indad, chops&hellip; so I ate, uuuf&hellip; solid I ate and den next ting I developed dis oink!&rdquo;
&ldquo;But when you take off de suit, I&rsquo;m sure de oink stops?&rdquo;
&ldquo;De oink may stop, but in de meantime, I have grown a tail!&rdquo;
&ldquo;You&rsquo;ve grown a tail?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Yes, see see&hellip; dis curly wurly ting.&rdquo; (Turns around to show).&nbsp;
Sure enough, growing out of Lobo Lobo&rsquo;s behind was indeed a tiny swiggly tail.&nbsp;
&ldquo;And you have grown a pig&rsquo;s tail having eaten a buffet of pork dishes?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; Lobo Lobo said miserably.
&ldquo;I have an idea, why don&rsquo;t you widen your scope of activity and begin a company called &lsquo;Pigs R Us&rsquo;&hellip; and you can all dress up as Hogs and Boars. You can wear a pig suit and call yourself, Pigmalion?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Dikuna men, all good ideas, but my Myrtle is not well, I&rsquo;ll have to wait till she recovers.&rdquo;
&ldquo;I&rsquo;m sorry to hear that. What ailment does she have?&rdquo; I asked Lobo Lobo.
&ldquo;Swine Flu,&rdquo; he concluded with an oink.
Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul. dacunha@mid-day.com
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“Lobo Lobo! Why are you dressed in a figure hugging leotard?”

Cheetah Man aka Lobo Lobo

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Cheetah Man aka Lobo Lobo

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