Cricket loses its MJ

British writer Martin Johnson could inject humour in his reports like no other and the willow game is that much poorer after his cancer-triggered recent death

What did sports writers Ian Wooldridge, Rajan Bala and Martin Johnson have in common apart from the fact that their knowledge of sports stretched way beyond facts and figures? Memorable cricketing lines which would go down in the sport’s history.

Wooldridge described Australian opening batsman Bill Lawry as a “corpse with pads on.” Twenty-two years later in 1983, Bala came up with a unique way to describe then rookie batsman Navjot Singh Sidhu: “Strokeless Wonder.” And Johnson, frustrated by England’s start to their 1986-87 campaign in Australia, was moved to hit the keys of his typewriter for this: “It seems to me that England have only threemajor problems - they can’t bat, they can’t bowl and they can’t field.”

Johnson passed away on March 16, trying to beat an opposition called throat cancer at the age of 71.

Tributes flowed in for this brilliant writer and his line about England in 1986-87 unsurprisingly earned recall value. He served The Independent and The Daily Telegraph after spending his formative years at the Leicester Mercury. Johnson’s association with the Leicestershire county cricket side was a close one. He was welcomed in their dressing room and even fielded as substitute for them once. Ray Illingworth, England’s 1970-71 Ashes-winning captain, who moved to the county after a long stint with Yorkshire, nicknamed Johnson ‘Scoop.’

It was at Leicester where Johnson reported on a young cricketer who answered to the name of David Gower. The ex-England captain wrote the Foreword to a compilation which cricket and music writer Andrew Green put together of Johnson’s articles. Gower recalled in that 1997 publication how Johnson was critical of his captaincy in the opening Test of the 1989 Ashes after sending Australia in on a traditionally bowler-friendly Leeds pitch. “The words ‘Gower’, ‘captaincy’ and ‘lobotomy [treatment for mental disorders]’ all appeared in close proximity in one Johnson sentence,” wrote Gower. The Independent received a legal notice from the enraged England captain’s representatives. The issue was settled with Johnson having to purchase and present Gower with two bottles of vintage champagne. “Now that’s the way to settle,” wrote the charming Gower.

Mike Selvey, the fast bowler who figured in England’s 1976-77 tour of India, got close to Johnson when he joined the journalistic profession post his playing days. Selvey offered Johnson a chance to write his own obituary during the last lap of his life. Johnson obliged via WhatsApp and it was reproduced on The Cricket Writers’ Club website. To us members, Selvey stressed: “I’ve tidied [edited] it up but when you read, I’d like you to understand and appreciate the physical and mental effort that went into a desperately ill man, with all his handicaps, writing around 1100 words on WhatsApp over the course of two days.”

Johnson’s own obit provided a background to the lines that made him famous in 1986-87. On the day he wrote them in Brisbane, he had another story to cover, which was about the Test and County Cricket Board (TCCB) banning their players from ghost-written newspaper columns. Johnson wanted to combine the cricketing piece and the one about the ban. In his obituary, Johnson wrote: ‘They can't bat, etc may never have been typed without the follow-up in the next paragraph: ‘they can't talk either - at least to their tabloid ghosts.’ ”

I sat next to Johnson as we covered the 2007 India v England Test at Trent Bridge, where Rahul Dravid’s team won for an eventual series triumph and I missed an opportunity to chat with Johnson about that famous report. It would have been old hat to him, but at least I may have got to know what he had to say when the Mike Gatting-led England team ended up winning the Ashes as well the one-day triangular and Perth Challenge. “Right quote, wrong team,” he is believed to have said in his defence.

Indian-born sports journalist Mihir Bose who covered a plethora of cricket matches with Johnson in the UK and overseas, told me the other day: “Martin was one of the most brilliant and original cricket writers of our generation who combined knowledge of the game with unmatched wit.”

Humour was very much part of Johnson’s writing armoury but he was sharp on news and pungent on anything un-sportsmanlike. Siddhartha Vaidyanthan, who covered India’s 2007 tour of England for Cricinfo, recalled how Johnson observed a press box scrap between former England spinner Ashley Giles and writer David Hopps at Nottingham.

Giles had said in an interview that Sachin Tendulkar’s powers were on the decline. That was before the Mumbai master carved a match-impacting 91 at Nottingham. Giles, England’s 2005 Ashes hero, took exception to the fact that Hopps used the word ‘temerity’ while referring to his view in the interview and an argument in front of all of us ensued.

“The best bit for me was Martin Johnson standing around and watching all this with a stone face. There was a whole MJ piece being written in front of his eyes, but not once did he smile or chuckle. He just fiercely observed the scene and jotted down notes. It taught me how seriously he took his craft.”

In the same Test, an England player threw jelly beans on the pitch while Zaheer Khan batted in India’s first innings. The so-called prank, played out in the midst of some verbals, was slammed by Johnson in The Daily Telegraph. He believed the jelly beans show was “schoolboy stuff.”

I’ve had the good fortune of meeting Wooldridge (during the 1996 World Cup), knowing Bala and sitting beside Johnson in the press box. They are all probably in Elysian Fields, tapping away words for the Gods on their laptops. They were that good.

mid-day’s group sports editor Clayton Murzello is a purist with an open stance. He tweets @ClaytonMurzello. Send your feedback to mailbag@mid-day.com
The views expressed in this column are the individual’s and don’t represent those of the paper.

"Exciting news! Mid-day is now on WhatsApp Channels Subscribe today by clicking the link and stay updated with the latest news!" Click here!