Growing up gay: Understanding same-sex attraction and the path to acceptance

Growing up children gradually develop an understanding of themselves their emotions and the world around them For many this process includes discovering their identity which encompasses not just personality traits but also their preferences including sexual orientation For a young gay child who is unaware of the concept of homosexuality discovering an attraction to the same sex can be a confusing and overwhelming experience This confusion is often magnified by societal norms that lean heavily towards heterosexuality as the ldquodefaultrdquo or ldquonormalrdquo orientationThe initial confusionFor a child who is growing up without knowledge of what it means to be gay the first signs of samesex attraction can feel bewildering This child may notice that they feel differently toward peers of the same gender but might not understand why Unlike heterosexual feelings which are often openly discussed or portrayed in media gay attraction might not have been something the child has been exposed to This lack of representation leaves them without a framework to understand or articulate what theyrsquore experiencingThe child might feel a sense of dissonancemdashan internal conflict between what theyrsquore feeling and what theyrsquove been implicitly taught or shown by their surroundings Often they may try to suppress or ignore these feelings assuming they are abnormal In some cases this can lead to feelings of guilt shame or selfisolationSocietal pressure and isolationSociety especially in more traditional or conservative environments can contribute heavily to the confusion In many cultures heterosexual relationships are promoted as the norm Children may encounter these messages from family schools religious organizations and media When a child realizes they donrsquot quite fit into that mold the pressure to conform can be immenseThe lack of information about homosexuality can make it even more difficult for the child to understand that their feelings are completely natural They may begin to think they are the only person experiencing these emotions further increasing their sense of isolation These children may also encounter negative attitudes toward homosexuality which can further compound their anxiety and confusion They may hear derogatory language or observe discrimination causing them to fear rejection or judgment if they ever express their true feelingsEmotional and psychological impactThis confusion can have significant emotional and psychological effects on a growing gay child Not understanding why they feel different can lead to feelings of loneliness anxiety or even depression These children might struggle with a sense of ldquoothernessrdquo as they feel they do not fit in with their peers or societal expectations If the child internalises negative messages about homosexuality this can also lead to low selfesteem selfdoubt or fear about their futureSome children might go through periods of denial convincing themselves that their feelings are temporary or abnormal They may try to force themselves into heterosexual relationships or suppress their true identity to fit in This suppression can delay their emotional development and prevent them from forming healthy authentic relationships later in lifeThe role of parentsOnce parents become aware that their child may be experiencing samesex attraction the way they respond can make a profound difference in how the child navigates their identity Unfortunately many parents are not prepared for such a realisation especially if they have limited knowledge about or experience with LGBTQ issuesA compassionate and open responseThe best course of action for parents begins with educating themselves about homosexuality and the challenges that LGBTQ individuals often face Parents must approach their childrsquos feelings with empathy and an open mind creating an environment where the child feels safe to express themselves without fear of judgment or rejectionOpen communication is crucial Parents should allow their children to share what they are experiencing in their own time without pressure Simply letting the child know they are loved and supported no matter what can provide immense relief and comfort For many children just knowing that they are accepted can alleviate much of the confusion and fear theyrsquove been experiencingAvoiding negative reactionsItrsquos also important for parents to avoid negative or dismissive reactions Responses that downplay or invalidate the childrsquos feelings can cause lasting harm reinforcing the idea that their feelings are abnormal or wrong Even wellmeaning attempts to ldquofixrdquo the childrsquos orientation by pushing them toward heterosexual norms or suppressing their emotions can lead to emotional distress and hinder the childrsquos selfacceptanceParents should also avoid trying to ldquorushrdquo their children into labelling their orientation Sexuality can be complex and fluid especially during the early stages of discovery The child should be given space and time to explore their feelings and come to terms with their identity at their own paceProfessional supportIn some cases it might be beneficial for both the child and the parents to seek professional support such as from a counsellor or therapist experienced in LGBTQ issues A therapist can help the child process their feelings in a healthy way guide them through their emotional development and offer strategies to cope with any external pressures or confusion For parents therapy can provide tools to better support their child and navigate their feelings or concerns about their childrsquos futureSupport groups for parents of LGBTQ children can also be incredibly helpful These groups can allow parents to connect with others who may have gone through similar experiences providing valuable perspective and advice Knowing that other families have navigated this path successfully can be encouraging for parents who feel uncertain or overwhelmedBuilding a supportive environmentBoth the child and their parents must foster an environment of support and inclusivity Parents can also advocate for their childrenrsquos wellbeing by ensuring they are in schools or environments where diversity and inclusion are prioritised Educators and institutions that actively support LGBTQ students can provide a safer more welcoming space for the child to express themselvesThe path to acceptanceUltimately the confusion that a growing gay child feels when encountering samesex attraction is a normal part of the process for many LGBTQ individuals However with the right support both from parents and the wider community the child can begin to understand and accept their identity This journey requires patience openness and most importantly unconditional love When a child knows they are supported no matter what they are far more likely to grow into a confident happy and emotionally healthy individual who can embrace their true self without fearAlso ReadMen at risk Understanding sexual health and the impact of harassmentUnderstanding the risks of Anal sexWhen addressing samesex attraction itrsquos always necessary to discuss the potential risks associated with anal sexThe anal tissue is delicate and can easily tear which increases the likelihood of infections including sexually transmitted infections STIs such as HIVAdditionally the anus lacks natural lubrication which can lead to discomfort or injury during penetrationGood hygiene practices are also critical as bacteria in the rectal area can lead to infections if they enter other parts of the bodyEncouraging open communication about sexual health and safe sex practices can help your child make informed and responsible decisions Awareness of these risks is essential for ensuring a healthy and safe experience as they navigate their sexualityProf Dr Rajan Bhonsle MD is a Senior Sex Therapist and Counsellor from Mumbai practicing for more than 35 years He is a Hon Professor and Head of the Department of Sexual Medicine at KEMHospital and GSMedical College MumbaiThe views expressed here are the individualrsquos and donrsquot represent those of the paper