Rumour has that Usman Khawaja has insisted that his player of the match award be shared with the ubiquitous and dim-witted Englishman Ollie Robinson. The slow-medium trundler played a key role in tipping the balance of a delicately poised Ashes Test in Australia’s favour when he verbally abused the mild-mannered Khawaja and then went on to speak the biggest load of codswallop since….since….probably the last time he spoke in public!

It is unknown yet whether match referee Andy Pycroft will issue Robinson with the fine he so richly deserves but knowing how indebted the Aussies are for his ill-chosen words at the media conference, they might well pass the hat around the dressing room as a mark of gratitude. Giving Khawaja a send-off when he had already made 141 was cowardly enough, but to then attempt to justify it with pathetic excuses about it being part of the theatre of Ashes cricket simply put icing on the cake.  The cherry on top was when he doubled down on insults by claiming that the Aussies had three Number 11s.  In a deliciously ironic twist, Australia’s actual number 11 didn’t even need to bat in the second innings because Scott Boland and Nathan Lyon scored 36 between them to secure victory.  Oh Bravo Robinson—just what Australians love serving up—humble pie!