I sent a letter to my love

On January 19 hundreds of women wrote letters to a group of nuns from Kerala letters of anger pain solidaritymdashand love They had one reason and many reasonsIn 2018 a nun filed an FIR against Bishop Franco Mulakkal accusing him of raping her 13 times between 2014 and 2016 The FIR came when the Church offered no redress but rather threats and persecution She was supported by her friends and colleagues Sisters Alphy Anupama Josephine Nina Rose and Ancett As one of them said ldquoWe arenrsquot fighting against the Bishop as a person but his ways and the silence of the churchrdquoLast week a Kottayam court acquitted the Bishopmdashwhich led to the river of letters that flowed towards the Sisters The judgementrsquos all too familiar language cast doubt on the complainantrsquos character demeanour and motivesWhen the man in question is powerful answers to lsquowhy would a woman accuse someone of rapersquo rarely seem to include lsquoperhaps because she was rapedrsquo Everyone knows a powerful man has enemies na concrete evidence of this is never needed His case comes to stand for all elite menrsquos potential destruction and all women become witches Quite different from the baying of blood to protect lsquoour womenrsquo when the accused is a poor manMuch discussion hinges on whether the woman behaved like a true rape victim The truest rape victim is one who is dead of course Alive she becomes dubious and these discussions constantly encourage us to pretend that we donrsquot know how power can make coercion or compulsion look like consent Has a woman had consensual sex with someone else Then obviously all sex she has must be consensual Just like if she has got married and therefore had sex the question of consent simply does not arise Womenrsquos sexual consent is inextricably linked to the idea of masculine privilege and our refusal to discuss it is a refusal to question that privilegeThe resistance to recognising marital rape as a crime again harps on the imagined apocalypse of false accusations that signal the end of family If questioning a manrsquos absolute right to sex and violence threatens the Indian family what does it say about that institution Some men declared they would go on MarriageStrike if such a law comes to be No despairing women were recordedDonrsquot worry boys Check out a recent cover of Vanitha magazine featuring actor Dileep as an ideal Family Man with suitable accessories maroon kurta wife and kids Being a rapeaccused hiring men to assault a woman colleague he felt had crossed him has not come in the wayThe protection of powerful men is about the protection of the institutions that vest them with powermdashpriesthoods or family It is to maintain this power that patriarchy trains us to cast a loving eye on men thrilling to their humanity and power weeping for their troubles and to cast a hypercritical eye on womenrsquos pains and achievements as if they are permanent daughtersinlaw in a soap opera To change the world a million love letters must be written for womenrsquos fights and rights love letters to their lives and light As the writer J Devika wrote in hers ldquoSceptics who say that fireflies cannot beat the night Please tell them If millions of fireflies get together they may beat this unending nightrdquoParomita Vohra is an awardwinning Mumbaibased filmmaker writer and curator working with fiction and nonfiction Reach her at paromitavohramiddaycom