iBetter than you

And so Apple launched the iPhone 13 with much global fanfareMr Mango announced a council meeting on the Fruits WhatsApp group ldquoZoom meeting this evening will send the link ASAPrdquoThat evening the King of Fruit said on the Zoom session ldquoFellow fruits as your leader I ask what are we doing to stop the invasion of Apple They keep launching new products like this iPhone 13 they have become the most talked about of all fruitsmdashwhat are the rest of us doing to remain in the public eye Letrsquos start with you Mr Pineapple Launched anything of note recently to get a bite of the marketrdquoldquoWell Aam Aadmi Sir my Ananas cameras are very popular among a certain uhm markethellip I uh canrsquot really uhm divulge details Irsquove signed secrecy contractsrdquoldquoSpit it outrdquo the Aam Aadmi thunderedldquoRight my Ananas range of micro cameras are uhm used mostly for uhm hanky panky activitieshellip uhm they are a part of the Pegasus spywarehellip my mini spycams called PineApps are everywhere we placed one in Raj Kundrarsquos phone you can imagine what scenes I have witnessed We slipped one into the BCCI office so we knew months ago who would be the next T20 captainrdquoldquoDuhhellip whatrsquos the secret there Even I know itrsquos Rohithelliprdquo Miss Banana scoffedldquoUhmmm Ms Banana what you donrsquot know is that a little later we also implanted into Viratrsquos specs this small camera called DRS Direct Retinal Signal which goes through his cornea into his brainmdashtherefore we know what hersquos thinking at all timesmdashlike why he didnrsquot select Ashwin why he doesnrsquot quit RCB captaincy and hand it over to ABD what he really thinks of Anushkarsquos actinghellip everythingrdquo Mr Pineapple saidldquoOkayhellip moving on Letrsquos ask you Ms Banana uhm if we could pull you away from texting for a second What have you been uptordquo Mr Mango asked challenginglyldquoWell dude I donrsquot accept you as my leader capeesh Banana Republic sales have overtaken Mango in the UK and the US in the 202122 quarter inspite of the pandemicrdquoldquoYeah yeah yeah smarty pants but thatrsquos your momrsquos legacyhellip what have you donerdquo Mango baitedldquoBro Irsquoll ask the same of you Whatrsquos your claim to fame My great great grandad introduced the political term lsquoBanana Republicrsquo which is still prevalent in Africa and other parts of the world I donrsquot believe there is a term lsquomango republicrsquo right homie In fact yoursquore so chauvinistic that you quelled the lsquowomango movementrsquo that rebelled against your mango alpha male fiefdom I disapprove of your brand of lsquoaamarchyrsquo I think your regime is done bro I think we need a change of leadership and you should hand over to Mr Orange hersquos de man hersquos too cool Under his tutelage wersquoll get a whole new set of youngsters So go Mango go get lostrdquo Ms Banana raspedAll eyes turned to the Citrus seated at the end of the table ldquoAnd my dear Narang talk to us howrsquos it going for youhellip whatrsquos the Orange brand name boasting aboutrdquo Mr Mango asked sarcasticallyldquoFirst of all we have a range of products that will be launched for the third wave of COVID19 and all pandemics that may befall us in the futuremdashsince my company is now ORange all my products will be preceded by the alphabet lsquoOrsquordquo Mr Orange announcedldquoOKrdquo said Grape amp Sons in unisonldquoMy subbrands include OMan OMy Ooof Ola Olalala OMG Om Shanti and Ouchrdquo Mr Orange saidldquoWhatrsquos lsquoOuchrsquordquo everyone asked fascinatedldquoOh thatrsquos just me yelling because a mosquito bit me Irsquoll now apply some Odomosrdquo Orange concluded with a smileRahul daCunha is an adman theatre directorplaywright photographer and traveller Reach him at rahuldacunhamiddaycom