Kamala’s Chatpata Curry House

Once Kamala Harris becomes president of the United States the White House I am told will smell of curry This was revealed in a post on X from Donald Trumprsquos latest consort a wingnut called Laura Loomer Her remark was deemed racist at once by both Republicans and Democrats It was insulting they said to Kamala Harrisrsquos cultural heritage as part TamBram her mother Shyamala Gopalan was from Chennai and part JamaicanI had not known till then that the White House had a smell or that American presidents brought their own smells into the building when they got the job so my head was reeling with trivial questions Did Donald Trumprsquos White House smell of quarterpounder cheeseburgers and ketchup Did that include Trumprsquos signature bouquet described by fellow Republican Adam Kinzinger as ldquoarmpits ketchup makeup and a little butt all mixed uprdquoAs lifelong Indians you and I know that Indian cuisine doesnrsquot have curries no matter how many dals karhis kurmas and dopiazas it has In south India which has contributed to Kamala Harrisrsquos genome curry is spelt kari and refers to a dry vegetable dish The closest a TamBram would get to anything currylike might be a sambarWill Kamala Harrisrsquos White House smell like sambarBeing a simpleton I could not understand why anyone would be offended by a building that smelled as yummy as an Indian curry Yet the message was unmistakable and every white American got Laura Loomerrsquos dog whistlemdashcurry was not American no matter how much you love Indian takeout Haitians in Springfield were eating pet cats and dogs not true because they were illegal aliens not American And if Kamala Harris was into curry she was no better than themAll of which brings me to food shaming and the difference between smell and tasteAs a young boy in Calcutta I really disliked the smell of mustard oil Bengalis not only cooked in it but they applied it on their skin and hair Whatever good that did them it made them pong most unpleasantly Moving to Delhi I noticed that most North Indians use mustard oil in cooking and daily life and apparently had no problems with its smell or taste I was the odd one outThere was an odd moment of selfawareness when I realised that after thoroughly relishing a lunch of rice and sambar off a plantain leaf I did not equally relish the lingering food smell on my hands Similarly garlic was irresistible in a pickle or a Chinese stir fry but intolerable in a personrsquos breath or under the fingernails The same aroma that would make my mouth water when it came off a hot plate could make me cringe in a different settingIndian dishes have aggressive inyourface personalities featuring strongsmelling spices that cling to curtains wallpapers towels Tshirts and hair Therersquos no getting around it Indian food is clingyOther eastern countries are not exempt Thais have no illusions that the fish sauce they love to add to everything is obnoxious to the nose To put it delicately it stinks Many Bangkok condos rent kitchenfree apartments to make cooking impossible so that pungent fumes of fish sauce and garlic do not leak into lift lobbies and contaminate carpetsHopopo a Reddit user in New Jersey speaks for his nation when he writes ldquoI have several neighbours from India in my condo and that shit stinks while being preppedrdquoBut thatrsquos where trouble begins When people are belittled and degraded by making fun of what they eat haute cuisine becomes low politics Because humans everywhere it seems have a thing for stinky foods the West no less than the East Europe and America no less than India and Thailand white no less than black and brownThe Irish were called lsquopotato eatersrsquo the French were lsquofrogeatersrsquo Koreans Chinese and Filipinos were mocked as lsquodogeatersrsquo Germans were called Krauts from the smelly fermented cabbage called sauerkraut they loved to eatThe smell of Bangkokrsquos durian ironically dubbed the ldquoking of fruitsrdquo has been compared to rotten onions sewage and turpentine even if its taste is creamy sweet and custardlike Smell comes before taste and you can be taken off a plane if you try to smuggle a durian inTaking the cake so to speak for being one of the worldrsquos foulest foods is Swedenrsquos fermented Baltic herring known as Surstroumlmming The cans in which it is sold often bulge because of the gases formed during fermentation Pop the can open and you will be hit by the pong of rotten eggs vinegar and ammonia The Swedes pay money to eat itIf your preferences run to decaying garbage sewage and stinky socks you could try China and Taiwanrsquos stinky tofu crisp outside and slushy inside On the other hand if you get your jollies from urinary notes Icelandrsquos Haacutekari is precisely what you need made from Greenland shark fermented by being buried for monthsI hope Kamala Harris wins I hope one of the first things she does is issue an executive order renaming the White House as Kamalarsquos Chatpata Curry House and serves masala dosas with sambar every SundayYou can reach C Y Gopinath at cygopigmailcomSend your feedback to mailbagmiddaycomThe views expressed in this column are the individualrsquos and donrsquot represent those of the paper