Lessons from a matrimonial ad

I am not the sort who advertises in the matrimonial pages Not at age 32 anyway Could anyone really find their soul mate through a small paragraph full of abbreviations in a crowded newspaperBut one day I did Maybe I could craft an ad so clever I thought that parents would ignore it but young women would be captivated by it So many decades ago I advertised in the Times of India mdash and it worked I received about 80 replies most from young women who thought I wrote very well and might be good husband materialAlas I found it difficult to start a correspondence with any of them A part of me said nothing would come of it anyway and Id just make some girl feel rotten Finally I wrote to only two and met just one in a coffee shop in south BombayListen I said That ad was just a way to meet likeminded women Youre more than a paragraph for sure and I certainly am May we forget the ad now and slowly get to know each other and see where this goesShe was an intelligent reflective woman After some thought she said Thats fine How many times would you like to meet me before you feel you know meI hadnt prepared for this question Five times she askedTen ThirtyWhen I remained speechless she continued I ask because Im 28 now and dont usually reply to matrimonial ads Yours was so different that I really wanted to meet you mdash assuming you had written it Im already on the shelf An Indian girl unmarried at 28 is as good as a spinster And Im only human Each time we meet my hopes will rise a little more Ill think He likes me hell say yes But one day youll tell me sorry love this is not happening I just dont feel it And I will be destroyedThis was not how our first conversation was supposed to goSo let me ask again she said How many times must a man meet a woman before he knows herI never thought about that to be honest I stuttered I thought we could just let this evolve in a very natural wayEven if at the end of many meetings she continued you decide you like me and propose to me mdash the day we marry I will be a different woman I will be your wife And you will have to start getting to know me all over again As I youShe pausedIt gets worse she said Like any human being I expect to learn and grow and keep changing all my life Well have children and that will change me mdash and you Ill see losses death sickness and those will change me Ill learn new things develop new skills and those will change me So the chances are that even by the time we reach old age well still be discovering each other Im sorry to say this but I doubt youll ever completely know me mdash or I youShe sighedIn fact Id hope my husband and I never ever start thinking we know each other completely That would be so boring she addedI did not even try to respond nowSo mdash how many times do you want to meet meShe smiled the warmest gentlest smileI can say that Ive met you and my gut says youre a good man Im ready to say here and now that Im willing to marry you and take my chances Perhaps well grow old and happy together Perhaps well grow apart Life gives us no guaranteesI went home promising to think about it but I knew I could not do this Later that night I wrote her a letter as kind as I could saying that I simply could not decide to marry a person after one meetingThat should have been the end of the matter But she wrote back already crushed by the rejection I could not let that be the last word on this episode I invited her to one last cup of coffeeYou and I are the same I told her We want to marry be happy have a family The difference is that Im doing something about it and youre waiting for lighting to strikeWith her permission I crafted and placed a matrimonial ad for her every bit as clever as my own I screened the replies and gave her a shortlist of candidates Then we lost touchI met her years later by accident She was with a goodlooking kindeyed man who she introduced as her husband I learned later that he was one of those whod replied to the ad I had put out for herThe bump in her dress told me that soon there would be a happy addition to their livesHere viewed from there C Y Gopinath in Bangkok throws unique light and shadows on Mumbai the city that raised him You can reach him at cygopigmailcom Send your feedback to mailbagmiddaycomThe views expressed in this column are the individuals and dont represent those of the paperCatch up on all the latest Crime National International and Hatke news here Also download the new midday Android and iOS apps to get latest updates