Lobo Lobo and the spyware

Lobo Lobo my cable TV technician looked at the heavens furtivelyldquoWhat are you searching for Lobo Lobordquo I enquired trying to look at the skies and PV Sindhursquos quarter finals simultaneouslyldquoArrey Dikuna men dey are after me dey are lsquonakkirsquo after me oh heavens aboverdquo he declared petrified ldquoI need to hide chherdquoldquoWho lsquodeyrsquo Sorry lsquotheyrsquohellip who are they that are after yourdquo I askedlsquoDey men deyhellip dose peoplehellip dey are in my phone menhellip spying snooping Dey are everywhere in my handset in my head wid dere spywarerdquoldquoThelonious whatrsquos spooking you out whorsquos spying on you whorsquos snooping on yourdquoldquoSo de udder dey my phone lsquobajaoesrsquo and de voice at de udder end says in a deep voice lsquoHello Mr ThelhellipThelhellip Mr Thel lo Kya main Mr Thel lo se baat kar raha hoonrsquordquoI shouted at de duffer lsquoWhat thel thel you tink I want lsquooilrsquo or wot Who are yourdquo The blighter just put down de phone Den dis morning only my mobile again ringtingshellip one female voice akses lsquoMr Thel Lobohellip I am speaking from Unicorn Pvt Equity Are you looking for stocksrsquordquo Den I put two and two togedder Unicorn Pvt Equity Enterprisesmdashdat only got my bell ringingrdquoldquoUhm come on Lobo Lobo I get these phone calls all the time people asking if I want to invest inhelliprdquoldquoArrey Dikuna men you are too naeevehellip dese people are all undercover agents Unicornhellip Pegasushellip dey are wanting info about mehellip dey have put dat spyware in my phonemdashall type calls cum from all cities Madras Bangalore Udaipur dey are everywhere watching merdquoldquoBut Lobo Lobo why would they want to spy on you why you I understand if they want to spy on Rahul Gandhi Raj Kundra leading journalists country Presidentshellip but why you arenrsquot you being a bit paranoidrdquoldquoSee men you tink I am just a cable TV bloke you tink I am a lsquomamoolirsquo tech chappie who goes from home to home fixing peoplersquos TV cable dishes right BossierdquoldquoYes something like thatrdquo I admittedldquoArre no men Dikuna De udder day I get a call on de screen it flashes lsquoPrivate Numberrsquo When I answer I am told dat dey have a secret mission for me Dey wanted me to go to de homes of some important people clients of mine and plant small CCTV bugs behind dere Smart TVshellipso dey can track de movements of dese people wot all dey are doing at home who all dey are meeting dere daily habits etc etc Dey said for my services dey would transfer money into my secret bank accountrdquoldquoSo did you agree to do the snooping job they asked of yourdquo I asked Lobo LoboldquoArre men wot to say see I am uhm broke lsquokadkarsquo during dese tuff tuff times I have to supplement my uhm incum so I first agreed and I took an lsquoadvancersquomdashbut den my guilty conscience pricked arre lightning may strike me down so I had to decline dere offer Now I have to return de money but donrsquot know how to do itrdquoLobo Lobo paused for breathldquoDikuna men I wish to change my phone number and run awayhellip dese people are after merdquolsquoWhatrsquos coming Lobo whorsquos comingrdquoldquoArrey de cops men the CID de agents one of dem dey know my secret bank account and dey will lock me uprdquoldquoOh my God Lobo Lobo I canrsquot believe you have a secret account in Switzerland or is it Cayman Islands tell merdquoldquoNo men duffer Dikuna I have one secret account in my mudders name in Saraswat bank in Panjim GoardquoRahul daCunha is an adman theatre directorplaywright photographer and traveller Reach him at rahuldacunhamiddaycom