Lobo Lobovsky and the Sputnik V

Outside my door stood a blond man with a cape and a handlebar moustache ldquoYes can I help yourdquo I asked this strange looking comic book character ldquoMr Dikunyevsky kak delardquo the man announced in a strange suspect accentI looked closer ldquoLobo Lobo is that you Why do you look like a combo of Mogambo and Mandrake the Magician and what is that weird accentrdquoldquoDe name is Lobo Lobovsky and I spik weed a Raashian accent Mr Dikunyakovichrdquothe blond caped man saidldquoRussian Whathellipwhy do you have a Russian accentrdquoldquoLyet me istart at the beginningso ass you know ja de Rasshian vaccine is here een Eendia you kyow dat ja Mr Dikunyatrotsy Itrsquos called lsquoSputnik VrsquordquoldquoYes I wondered why they named their vaccine after an artificial satellitemdashanyway it is to be the third option after Covishield and CovaxinrdquoldquoYes Mr Dikuneski such boring medicinal names the two names should haff been more dramatic So anyways I was explyaining to you de Raashian Govt insisted I took ze Sputnik V jab what dey deed not warn me it hyas certain side effectsmdashyou gyet a Rashian accent your hair becomes wachyocall blonde and you turn into a Rashian Supervillain like Thanos in Marvel ComicsrdquoldquoOh wow Mr Lobovsky as a supervillain what are you planning on destroyingrdquoldquoSee Mr Dikunedvedev Irsquom not a destroyer Irsquom a creator Irsquom a good supervillain I weel let you into my plansmdasheef you tek one dose of ze Spunik jab you get immunised if you geyt injected twice you become an inventor and I haff becum an inventorhellipa supervillain inventorrdquoldquoWhat kind of inventorrdquoldquoAhahahhha Mr Dikyyavich if I tell eu I fill hav to kill youhelliphheehhe Let me teyll euhellipas you well know de need of de hour is oxygen You see I yem making de oxygen out of all kinds of dem gases I am concocting oxygen out of de nitrogen I store it in fery fery beeg turbines Den I am making oxygen out of carbon monoxide I hire people to follow dese trucks and auto rikhshaws and dey have to collect de COrdquoldquoBut Mr Lobo Lobovich isnrsquot CO a poisonous gasrdquoldquoYou see men Mr Dikunokov CO isnrsquot just poisonous it is an odourless colourless gas toordquoldquoSorry Mr Lobovich Irsquom confused Are you trying to convert CO to O2 That is even more absurd than N to O2 yoursquore trying to convert a poisonous gas to oxygen It will kill people instead of reviving themrdquoldquoNyet nyet nyet jahellipyou heff myissed de pointhellipI am not trying to make de CO into O2 for de Covid patients eet ees de intention of de Rassians and all of us Sputnikovians to kill the COVID virus wid de CO vaccine We have a maaach maach beeger planhellip Got eet So we are producing small small mini CO Sputnikshellipdey will be let out into de air and dey will go after de small invisible COVID viruses It feel be open war in de skies Mr Dikunatrotsky CO will destroy COVID Brilliant yes Mr DikutinrdquoAnd with that Lobo Lobo let out a loud prolonged Premnath laughldquoShyall I tell you a joke da men Mr DikmunovrdquoldquoSurerdquo I saidrdquoldquoWachyoucall a vaccine personally produced by the Russian PrezzierdquoldquoNo ideardquoldquoSputinnikrdquo he said and Lobo Lobovsky guffawed with all the fervour of a man used to laughing solely at his own witldquoDaswidanya Mr Dikunamanyardquo he said and flew out of my windowRahul daCunha is an adman theatre directorplaywright photographer and traveller Reach him at rahuldacunhamiddaycom