What could be wrong with a festive heart? A lot, we were informed, after Durga puja. Bengalis were reeling from festive heart syndrome, said the papers. I snorted, exercising all the rights bestowed on me by my quarter Bengali ancestry, to mock Bengalis— “finally they’re ambling on from ombol.”  ‘Festive’ heart troubles apparently result from too much roaming, shouting, sweating in silks, jolly-bolly, and of course mutton, mithai, mathri and whisky-shisky yaniki average desi holiday behaviour. Later, one of those online accounts which are always trying to reform us with a perpendicular air, informed ki it is properly called hectic heart syndrome.

When are our hearts not hectic, one might ask. Isn’t that the job description?